Tag: faithblogger

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Why are People Leaving Church?

I read a lot and last week someone shared a wonderful post by John Pavlovitz that I feel everyone needs to read titled “Dear Church, Here’s why People are Leaving”.

After I read it, the words kept rattling around in my head. After reading and re-reading it a few times, I came to one simple conclusion:

He nailed it.

People are leaving the church because the church is leaving them.

Instead of being a welcoming place for all kinds of sinners to gather and learn about forgiveness and love, many churches are focusing on telling people who can or cannot worship with them. Instead of loving everyone they limit who can only partially participate in services and who cannot participate at all.

The “you can’t sit with us” attitude of the modern church has created a theological Mean Girls sequel many people do not want to be a part of. Pastor Regina George, anyone?

When people are openly told they are not welcome, of course they’re not going to stick around. https://johnpavlovitz.com/2019/05/14/dear-church-heres-why-people-are-leaving/Neither are the people who love them. We are told countless times in the Bible to love and welcome all – not just those who are like us. This seems even more obvious since we are all sinners. Who are we to decide who is better or worse? We are in no position to decide who is worthy of God’s love and who is not.

People aren’t just leaving because they don’t love God or find religion outdated. They are leaving because so many in religion are literally telling them they do not belong. Church leaders can act confused and continue scratching their heads in wonder all they want. They can blame it on Satan and host all the emergency meetings they want to try and fight this evil away, but until more churches start looking inward at their actions it’s not going to get any better.

When you side with oppression, promote omission, and continue to shame anyone different than you, you will end up losing every time.

Jesus didn’t ask us to judge and exclude. He asked us to follow him, then led us straight to the most marginalized people and embraced them. He told us to love them too.

We cannot hold others to our flawed human expectations and continue to wonder why people are leaving churches.

It’s not because of a lack of faith, it’s because of a lack of decency.

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3 Prayers for Your Hardest Times

A few years ago, I started saying 3 prayers for some of the hardest parts in my life. For me, at that time, they were specifically for 3 people in my life.

I did not pray for God to change them into who I thought they should be. I did not ask him to prove I was right or to open their eyes to how wrong they were.

I asked God to change me.

I prayed three simple prayers: I wanted the wisdom and grace to talk to them without hurt feelings, leeriness, and past conflicts running the show. I wanted to see things from their point-of-view and I wanted to not just assume I was always right.

Some stay, some go

Within a few months, the first person walked away. Sometimes in life that happens. The second person unexpectedly started to meet me where I was in our conversations. We were able to approach past hurts and figure out a good path forward from a place of peace, love, forgiveness, and respect. We’re doing fine and piecing ourselves back together to this day.


The third was trickier. We’d met each other with distrust and overtly aggressive words for so long I wasn’t sure things could ever improve. However, two years ago things started to shift. Our conversations stopped becoming arguments. Even when we didn’t agree, attacks weren’t thrown out. Our last email exchange in the Spring of 2020 contained an apology, best wishes, and an optimistic plan for moving forward.

As the world shut down, life happened and we lost touch. There was no screaming fall out or Real Housewives worthy blow up, things just kind of stopped. Sometimes that happens in life. I meant every word when I wished him well and kept him in my prayers.

Sadly, he passed away last month. I was shocked. And I’m kind of mad. Just when things were finally getting to a good place, the rug was pulled out from underneath us. Nothing about this seems right or fair.

Pain is an unavoidable part of life. No matter your religious beliefs, practices, or non-beliefs we all deal with pain in our lives. Faith doesn’t promise a pain-free life (if you hear otherwise, run away – they’re lying).

Beauty from Pain

When we begin the painful process of picking up the shattered pieces of our broken hearts we have no choice but to try our best to put it back together. If you’ve ever broken something fragile, you know how difficult this is. In the end, even if you find every piece, things never fit back together the same.

We have two choices then. We can be ashamed of and hardened by the scars our hearts carry, or we can be proud of how we grew through hard times. There is beauty found in the scars of our broken hearts.


The Japanese practice of kintsugi is the best representation I’ve ever seen. This practice involves taking beautiful, but broken, items and putting them back together with shimmering gold among the cracks. The new-old piece resembles its former self, but with more beauty and value than before. It’s the best reminder I’ve ever seen of how pain can bring beauty into life.

It also reminds me of one of my favorite verses I lean on when the pain is too much, Psalm 34:18:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

You’re Not Alone

Even in our pain, we are not alone. Even in our broken places there is love and beauty waiting for us. Gathering the pieces and putting them back together takes time, but in the end we will become who we are meant to be if we do the work.

Asking for God’s help in becoming who you are meant to be in times of pain or struggle is not always easy, but it is always worth it. I am grateful for the peace it brought to my life and the beauty I see now in the broken places.

I hope you find peace in your struggles today.

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It’s a bit of a shock…

It’s a bit of a shock when you realize much of the theology you learned as a kid isn’t as much Biblically based as it is politically based.

Billy Graham, Dwight Eisenhower, and many denominations weren’t being led by God but by their own ego, disguised as what’s best for us.

Jesus was a migrant, hidden in a foreign land as a child…so why do the people leading us speak harshly about refugees? We LITERALLY worship one.

God never once blessed America. Do we hope he does? Of course. We all hope we are blessed…but this idea that America is some God-chosen blessed land? I can’t get behind it. Where does it say that? God’s chosen land is in the middle east. We aren’t sure exactly where, but I’m confident it’s in a nation many Christians claim are out to destroy us.

And this idea that God won’t give us more than we can handle? That’s crap too. Of course He will. Why else would we need Him? Or the church? Or each other?

The idea we should be able to handle things without help because it’s “God’s will” is preposterous. He doesn’t set us up to feel like failures. He gave us Himself, His son, and each other to lean on. Stop thinking you’re a failure because a flawed human made up a saying and keeps shoving it down your throat.

So many things I’ve questioned but been shushed on in the past are starting to make sense. But with every answer, a new question arises. I want to take the easy answers at face value… but maybe that’s the problem?

The searching continues.

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Questioning God

I have so many questions in working through and growing in my faith. As I find answers and resources, I plan to share it all!

However, my ACTUAL first question was very simple. And also way bigger than I first imagined.

Is all this questioning, digging, and learning ok? Like, is it allowed? I have some questions, but whether or not I love God isn’t one of them. Obviously, I don’t want to step on His proverbial toes.

So, of course, my Uncle Sol left behind the answer in Proverbs…. (If you’re new here, I love Uncle Sol’s wisdom) and it ABSOLUTELY is allowed. It’s even encouraged!

“Try to get wisdom and understanding. Don’t forget my teaching or ignore what I say. 

Don’t turn away from wisdom, and she will protect you. Love her, and she will keep you safe. “The first step to becoming wise is to look for wisdom, so use everything you have to get understanding. 

Love wisdom, and she will make you great. Hold on to wisdom, and she will bring you honor. 

Wisdom will reward you with a crown of honor and glory.”

– Proverbs 4:5-9

So here we go. Make sure you’re following me or on the mailing list so you don’t miss out on wherever this goes!

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Be Curious

If you live with a child, or have spent any time with one, you have to admit this is pretty true. Kids see more, ask more questions, and seek more information about the world than adults do. 


Just a few weeks back, my niece pointed to a small sapling peeking out of the ground. It was barely six inches tall and resembled Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree more than the old mighty trees around it. She pointed at it and asked me what it was. Honestly, if she hadn’t asked about it I probably wouldn’t have noticed it. 


“That’s a baby tree. It’s just starting but it will grow tall like all these trees. They were this small a long time ago too.” I answered, sure that I nailed it.


“Oh. Then it gets big and can be a rainbow tree!” 


My inflated sense of scientific pride deflated a bit. Clearly SOME of what I said made sense but I obviously hadn’t been clear enough. So I tried again.


“Kind of. It’ll get big and then it’ll be just like these trees by it.” I wisely touch a broad trunk nearby to reinforce that trees are trees, not rainbows. Miss Frizzle herself couldn’t have better at this point.


“And then a rainbow tree. I like the rainbow trees.” She looked slightly frustrated with my answer.


At this point, I was cold, my knees hurt from being crouched to her level that long, and I was lost. I sheepishly admitted I didn’t know what a rainbow tree was and asked for an explanation. 


She sighed (in fairness, I probably had that coming) and came next to me, then pointed up at the colorful canopy of fall colors over our heads and in a tiny awe-filled whisper of a voice told me,


“I like it when the trees are rainbows.” 


For the first time in my life, I looked at the leaves not as a sign of impending winter or of football season, but simply as the sparkling colors dancing over our heads. 


Red, orange, yellow, and green leaves danced against the blue sky among shadows of indigo and violet. The trees really do become rainbows. 


I couldn’t help but wonder what other things I am missing in life just because I don’t look closer or ask many questions. 


In adulthood, I think it’s safe to say that we’re so worried about knowing everything that we often overlook the importance of asking questions. It’s ok not to know. It’s even better to seek knowledge from those around us and to question the world. 


It’s true in all aspects of life, but it’s been feeling especially true to me in my faith. I read the Bible, hear the verses, and listen to sermons without stopping to ask about parts I don’t understand. I take what is presented to me without digging deeper. 


I tend to forget what God told Jeremiah in Jeremiah 33:3, “call to me and I will answer you and tell you great unreachable things you do not know.” I know I’m not the only one.


God wants us to ask questions. To wrestle with His word. To seek more than what we see. 



“It is the glory of God to conceal things,  but the glory of kings is to search things out.” Proverbs 25:5


Do you know the history of what was going on when the Bible was being written? Why do you worship how you do? Who decreed the changes? How do we decide what parts of the Bible to follow and what parts do not apply to us? 


What can we do with this ancient text in our modern world to actually live like Christ? 


I don’t have the answers. I may never. Maybe no one does. But no matter what, we need to keep asking questions, seeking information, and embracing the curiosity of children in our faith. 

And also enjoy the rainbow trees.

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Missing Pieces

This is part 2 of the October Pregnant and Infant Loss Series – please read Part 1 HERE if you haven’t already. 

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All I wanted to do when I got home was sleep. I blamed it on the leftover anesthesia still flowing through my body but truthfully, I was just trying to escape the reality of the day. I stayed in bed for nearly 24 hours until the following afternoon when I decided it was time to “get over it”. 

“Everyone will think I am crazy,” I kept telling myself, “They weren’t real babies, right? I didn’t hold them, I didn’t name them, I didn’t even ask any questions about them so obviously I just need to move on from this mess.” 

I was living on pain meds and still feeling a terrible ache as I fumbled through the day. I got my basic Saturday routine of cleaning and shopping done before falling back into my bed that evening. I thought once my body was only mine once again, things would go back to normal but I was wrong. Instead of feeling like my normal self in a bit of pain, the hollow aching left me feeling more empty than I’d ever been before. 

I was sure people were going to think I was crazy for not getting over this faster. 

Martin Hudáček’s sculpture entitled “Memorial for Unborn Children

The next evening, we had floor seats for a concert we’d been looking forward to for almost a year. We talked about skipping it, but I was determined to show the world (and myself) that I was not crazy. I was fine because “these things happen” and I couldn’t mope forever. I had planned to go to the concert with my babies in my belly, so I certainly wasn’t skipping it just because they were gone. 

It was the worst concert of my life. I’m not sure if it is because of who I was with (we divorced 2 years later), the fact that the band’s new album sucked (it really did), or that I spent half the concert running to the restroom to change another soaked pad all night. I just remember sitting in my seat and looking around at the arena packed with thousands of people wondering to myself if they could tell the pain I was in. I wondered if anyone else in that arena was feeling the same way. Had anyone else there ever felt that way? The feeling didn’t subside until I crawled into bed and drifted to sleep that night. 

When I went to work Monday morning there were flowers and a card on my desk. The moment I walked in and saw them, I turned on my heel and walked back out the door. I had said it was not to be talked about. Not acknowledged or implied or anything. I told them I’d be back Tuesday and I expected my desk cleaned and everyone else over this by then. 

How could I move on if the people around me were insisting on dragging me back into it. 

That’s the part no one tells you in the cheap pamphlet the doctor hands you when you lose a baby. For every person who tells you “these things happen” or “God works in mysterious ways” there are just as many people who want you to grieve and go through the emotions of losing someone you love. 

Both sides surround you and you’re never sure which way to go. You will alternate between both camps as you sort out the mess of emotions and hormones that come with losing a baby. You will hate your body for failing you while gingerly caring for it as it slowly heals from the physical trauma. You will feel like you’re losing your mind and not doing it “right” when really, there is no single right way to deal with this pain. You only need to do what is right for you. Lean into the feelings when they overcome and keep living your normal life when they go. How you react does not change how deep your loss was.

My babies should be turning 16 in the next few weeks. Their due date was November 11, 2005. For anyone who thinks things like this go away over time, I think about them every year on that date, even though I know as twins they likely would have come sooner. 

I think about how badly I wanted to hold them and hug them on November 11. How I had planned to cover them with kisses, breathe in their essence, and tell them they were loved as they took their first breaths. I hope they felt loved every second of their short lives with me. More than anything, I’m so grateful they had each other. Whether they knew what was happening, felt any discomfort, or worried for even a second about what was happening they were not alone. 

They had each other then and they have each other now in heaven. Someday, I know I will hold them and I will remind them they were loved for every second of their lives – and mine. They were loved like only a mother can love.

I am a mother four, who only got to hold two. 

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Broken Prayers?

Are my prayers broken?


When I pray, I find myself often asking God to make things go how I want them to. When I hear others pray, it seems like they’re doing the same thing too – so I guess somewhere along the way we must have all picked up that that’s how we pray. 


But is it how we’re supposed to pray?


Because lately, it’s started to feel like I’m a kid begging for changes because I don’t like what’s going on. Please make Covid go away, help happen, let me get this thing I want…I’m praying to Him but I’m heavily focused on me. 


It makes sense, I suppose, when you look at human nature that prayer would also fall into this me-centric way of thinking. We’re hard wired back to fight or flight to look out for ourselves and survive. I wonder if it’s possible those instincts still have more daily control over us than we realize and have now made their way into prayer. 


Instead of asking God to make things go our way, shouldn’t we be asking him to help us be who He wants us to be in a situation? Even if we don’t like it, if He put us in it there must be a reason behind it. Maybe it’s an opportunity for growth, there’s a lesson to learn, or we’re playing a role in someone else’s lesson.


Instead of asking God to improve every situation for us, maybe we should be asking God to improve us for every situation. 


This one has me really thinking about how I’m approaching my day and situations. It’s got me rethinking how I approach God. He isn’t a genie meant to bend the world to my liking – not at all. Somewhere, I seem to have borderline confused him as such. 


I’d really like to hear your thoughts and feedback on this. Anyone know of any books or podcasts about this? I could be way off base, but I feel like there is a lot of peace we’re denying ourselves here.

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Tales of a Messy Christian

I’m a Chistian. And I am far from perfect. I do not claim to be perfect – in fact, my imperfections are exactly why I need Jesus in my life so much. 


I am a Christian and I swear. Like, regularly. Momma, I’m sorry – but I have talked with pastors and while it doesn’t sound the nicest, Jesus didn’t say shit or damn or the occasional F bomb would lead to our eternal damnation. I’m doing my best. 


I am a Christian and I drink. Jesus was fine with wine – which gives me headaches – so I’d like to thank heaven beer was invented for people like me. Also, I’d love to tip back a cold one with Jesus because I do some of my best talking around fires with good people and good drinks. 


I am a Christian and I am ok if you are not. My job is not to convince you I am right or get you to drink the “Jesus kool-aid”. I’m here to love you (and everyone), help you (and everyone), and do my best to do good things. I respect and support you doing God your way and will love you along the way. Even if that means you don’t do God at all. We don’t need to agree for us to still love each other.


I am a Christian and my kids can’t recite a single Bible verse. They do, however, set up tables for services, help with food for the congregation, assist in the nursery, and love the people around them. They help the people they love and speak up for justice whenever they see wrongs happening. They have big hearts and do good things. I’ll take that over a memory verse any day. 

I am a Christian and I believe in Science. God put brains in our heads so we can use them. He gave us tools to live longer, so use them. He gave us each other to work together for the betterment of us all, so lean in to each other. Like a parent watching their child learn a new skill, I believe he cheers for us with every new discovery we make.


I am Chrstian and I will not be judging you. If your kid is throwing a fit in the store – know that mine did too. Bless your heart. If your landscape isn’t Better Homes and Gardens ready – know that I cannot keep any plants alive. Bless both our hearts. And if your life looks messy  – know that I am sure its no worse the shit show my life regularly is. Bless us all. 


I am Christian and I have gossiped, lied, and cheated. I have been divorced, bankrupt, and through the ringer of a custody war. I have cursed God and praised Him – sometimes all in the same day. I have been rich and I have been poor in more things than just money. I eat too many chips, do not pray every day, and we would eat cereal daily if it were up to me. 


I am Christian and I am flawed beyond belief but forgiven without fail.

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Seeking peace

“They should shun evil and do good; seek peace and chase after it.” — 1 Peter 3:11

     I have discovered that there are two kinds of passengers in the world: the ones who find joy in the ride and the ones who cannot wait to be there. When he was little, my son fell into the latter category. He could ride like a champ but got bored easily, which led to thousands of hours of “I Spy” between the front and back seats of my car. 

    Until one hot sticky afternoon when we were leaving a parade. I was exhausted from searching for a parking spot, lugging all our spectator gear to the route, and packing it all back after hours under the blazing summer sun to drag it back to the car with a three year old in tow. Out of snacks and trapped in miles of traffic moving at a snail’s pace I did not have a round of “I Spy” in me when the request came in from the backseat. 

    In a moment of desperation, I had a genius mom moment that still lives in infamy in our family. On that hot day I invented what would become “The Yellow Car Game”. I knew there were plenty of cars for him to look at in the traffic, he would be focused on searching them all, but I didn’t see a yellow car anywhere. It was the perfect challenge to keep him busy and rest my mind for a few minutes.  He only found one yellow car that day and it took him 30 minutes – because they aren’t that prevalent.

Stop for a minute and think, When was the last time you saw a yellow car? 

    This immediately replaced “I Spy” as out go-to car game. It was hard at first, until we really started looking closely at the world around us. We had to survey parking lots we passed, drive-thru lines, and car lots to find them. We couldn’t just wait for one to pass us on the highway like so many other colors. We had to seek these out. 

    Eventually, a ten minute trip across town could uncover two or three yellow cars. We could find upwards of ten to fifteen in the span of a day of errands (never the same car twice is the rule). Either everyone suddenly started to buy yellow cars or they had been there all along but we just hadn’t seen them because we weren’t looking for them. I’m going with the second option. 

If you seek it, you will find it.

    Peter would have been good at the yellow car game. Peter knew the importance of seeking things and shared that in his letter to God’s people scattered throughout the world. Times are hard, people are struggling, many are suffering, but Peter reminds them they can still find peace if they seek and chase it. 

Obviously, all of their sufferings won’t be cleared away in a matter of days just for looking for peace but it is a clear reminder that even within hard times goodness is present. It may require difficult searching, like moving stuff in the front of the fridge to see what’s in the back, but it is not impossible. It needs to be actively sought or created but the choice to be a good person, search for peace, and strive for it is always available. 

For those receiving Peter’s words years ago, it likely referred to living good lives in whatever land they found themselves in. They should find ways to live harmoniously wherever they were and actively live as good citizens. Avoiding evil deeds, seeking peaceful living, and making it their goal is what God wanted from them (it applies to us too…).

For us, these words have far more power and application than we likely realize. 

Shunning evil in life is obvious, but there are many mini-evils we face every day that do not always strike us as such in the moment. How many times are we faced with opportunities to spread gossip, judge others’ actions, tarnish a reputation, speak harshly, flip the bird in traffic, or many other things in a day? 

When we slip up and do these things, and we will slip up – we are only human, we diminish the peace around us. We create hurt feelings, anger, conflict, and spread discontent around us. 

If we change our mindset to look for the good in people and situations, we will find it. When we are faced with frustration and respond with healthy conversation, we will uncover more peace. Small steps in our every day can lead us to more happiness and peace by just adjusting our focus.

Gossip stops with you.

Accept others as they are, not as you want them to be.

Meet anger with conversation.

Smile and wave instead of rant and rave. 

Be patient, life isn’t a timed contest.

Find peace everyday. 

The harder you look, the more you will find. 

And keep an eye out for yellow cars. You’ll see them far more often than you expect. Remember those finds when goodness and peace seem out of reach, they’re out there too. 

Happy searching. 

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Big news !

Hello all! 

No new blog post this week… because there is a new PODCAST instead! I’m so excited! 

Check out the top menu for access or look me up on Spotify, Google podcasts, and Breakers! 

Search She Proclaims on Spotify!

Please subscribe, listen, give me some feedback and stay tuned! I’ve got big things planned and 2021 will be amazing!