Posted in Depression, happiness, longreads, moms, motherhood, selfcare, Uncategorized

F those people – they aren’t yours – SheProclaims.com

F those people in life, who will not understand you. They will think you are too much or not enough. No matter what you say or do or how you try to explain it to them – it just won’t make sense. That’s all ok. Those people are not your people. Fuck those people (yes, Christian mom and sometimes I cuss – that’s how I roll). Find different people.

Those people and their opinions are not paying your bills. They are not in charge of you or your life decisions. It is not your job to make them comfortable or contort yourself to fit the mold they want you in. Your responsibilities in life are to be kind, do good things, love others, and be happy. That’s it. You live your life for you and no one else. You don’t need to hate them or be mean to them or rude to them – just take a deep breath and move on.

I learned this the hard way.

Many years ago, I was in a relationship which was definitely not the right fit for me. I am not sure why this person seemed so important to me at the time, but my craving for acceptance was so strong I was willing to do most anything. I changed my personality, interests, and worked myself to the bone to keep him happy. Comparing pictures from the start or our relationship to the end, you can watch the light in my eyes slowly fade. 

When he dumped me? I was a mess. I didn’t know who I was or what I liked anymore. I had pushed away a lot of friends and felt like I didn’t even know myself anymore. I felt discarded, worthless, crazy, and unworthy of anyone’s attention (especially his). I mistakenly let someone else drive my bus. When he pulled over, hopped off, and walked away I had no idea where I was, where to go, or how to even drive the dang bus. 

I wasted years of my life trying to be someone else for someone else. I wished I could be different, better, more worthy for him. I was so busy chasing his dreams that I lost mine. I missed out on part of my life because I was so focused on trying to make his better. I didn’t value myself one bit, and in the end neither did he. 

There is no “happy medium”

I was too quiet when we were out with his friends (never mine), then I was too loud. I never did find the right balance so I stopped being included. 

I was too lazy when I wanted a night at home with movies, then I was too wild if I wanted to go out for drinks. I gave up suggesting and just where he wanted. 

I dressed like a slut, then like a frumpy nun. I let him pick my clothes to save the fight. 

I spent too much money, then didn’t buy him nice enough things. I couldn’t even have a debit card to my own account.  I let him decide what I spent. 

Repairing your soul takes time

I am still healing from the damage that I allowed him to do, 20 years later. The damage I invited in, encouraged, and tolerated. Looking back on it now, all I can say is it was bullshit. In every sense of the word. There were people around me who love me deeply warning me of the damage it was doing to me; but I didn’t listen. I decided they couldn’t stand to see me happy and pushed them away. They became the villains in my story. I wish I had listened to them instead.. 

What I have learned since then is that I do not live my life for anyone but me. I will be too much or too little for some people and that’s ok. There is nothing wrong with me or them, we just aren’t meant to be kindred spirits. I will be too loud, too liberal, too conservative, too outspoken, and too vulnerable for some people. That’s ok. My job is not to make you comfortable, it is to live my best life and do as much good as I can. 

I suffered in silence for years, dying a little each day, trying to keep my depression and anxiety away from the world. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, after all. Until the day I woke up and realized I was slowly killing myself this way. I was robbing my husband of his wife, giving my children only part of their mother, and hiding away my authentic self. The people that matter most were getting the least, because I didn’t want strangers to feel bad

F Those people.

Living your life for someone else is a waste of time. Nothing good comes from it, so I do not recommend it. I was a shattered, hollowed out soul when I found myself completely alone and regretting how I had allowed my life to go. Into a direction I didn’t want and didn’t enjoy. I missed out on fun times with family and friends because I was so devoted loving to someone who didn’t love me. Someone who didn’t let me love me either. 

Somewhere out there, I know someone is that place I crawled from. Ignoring the little voice in their head and the tug in their heart telling them they deserve more. They are feeling lost, unfulfilled, and adrift in a story they do not fully love. Maybe you’re the someone and you need to hear this. Maybe you know someone who needs to hear it from a completely unbiased source. This next part is important: take it in, share it, and live it. F those people who are holding you back.

Live your life

Do not live your life for someone else. F those people who try to limit your greatness or dim the light in your eyes. They are not your people, move along. Be kind, be loving, but don’t let others drive your bus. You do you. Be your authentic and original self. Shout your truth from the tops of mountains. You deserve happiness. The people who don’t “get” you are not worth worrying about and certainly not worth changing for. 

Wake up each and every day with a commitment to yourself to give your all to your own life each and every day. Bring the best and fullest version of you to the people you love. To the people who feed your soul. Those, dear friend, are your people. The people who see your messy, loud, quiet, lazy, crazy, true, real self are the ones that matter most. F those people who can’t handle your full life self.

Posted in Christian, Depression, God, longreads, Mantras, prayer, selfcare, Uncategorized

Bible Verses for Depression: My top 5 favorites – SheProclaims.com

I want to share some of my favorite Bible verses for depression with you today. Living with and working through depression is hard no matter who you are. I know from first hand experience. You can see and acknowledge good things going on all around you but you cannot feel them. You are numb to the warmth and peace the good parts bring, which is both frustrating and infuriating at the same time. It certainly doesn’t help you to feel “better” (whatever that term means). 

Living as a Chistian mom with depression comes with its own unique challenges. Our religion is cemented in the faith that someone good (God/Jesus/Holy Spirit) loves us and is taking care of us, even when life doesn’t appear that way. Short of the Bibles containing the words that remind us, though, we have nothing concrete to cling to in order to feel that love and keep our faith. Christiantiy is a religion of feelings – love, trust, faith, gratefulness,mercy, forgiveness – but what happens when we can’t feel all our feelings? 

Bible verses for Depression

These Bible verses for depression help me through my darkest times. Are they perfect? No. Do I feel better as soon as I read them over once? Not even close. But they do give me something to focus on that is constant and unchanging. The are promises made thousands of years ago and to billions of people. Surely, they apply to you and me too. 

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. 

Normally, when someone’s well-meaning but overly simple advice to “look on the bright side” is given to me, it makes me want to puke. I get that its well meaning, but it’s not that simple. Sometimes, there is no bright side to a situation. Sometimes the only bright side is that the struggle will end, but there’s no guarantee it will be a good ending.

Thankfully, Paul isn’t telling us to look for the bright side. He just wants us to think about anything from any time to keep our minds and actions pure. That is doable. Today may be hard, but at some point in life, there was a good day or place. Think about it quietly for a few minutes. Write about it. Draw it. Tell a friend about it. Look at pictures of it. You will not be removed from your difficult situation, but you can get a little break from it. Little breaks and reminders life is good are invaluable gifts. 

Psalm 40:1-2

I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

You are not the first, nor will you be the last, to go through difficult times. David reminds us that there is no time limit on how short or long a cold season in life will last in this verse. We just need to remember we must be patient and talk to God. When it is time, He will take us from the most disgusting, deep, dark, and difficult places and get us back on our feet. We are not being left in the pit forever. 

The world is full of normal people like you and I overcoming huge obstacles and very deep pits in their lives. They are not Prophets from the Bible, they are real people existing in our real world who have lived Psalm 40 completely. Google some for inspiration (you know how much I love Google). They were all pulled from the pits and placed back on solid ground. They were not alone. It happens. All the time. It will happen for you when the time is right. Just be patient. 

If that’s not enough or a little hard, read a little farther into Psalm 40:11-17 for an honest prayer you can say or remember in your pit.

Matthew 11:28 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

This is my go-to, easy to remember Bible verse for depression for those late nights when the gears in my mind are turning at record speed and sleep evades me at every turn. My brain likes to replay my day at bedtime, but not as a highlight reel of everything good that happened. Somehow, those things never make the cut and instead I end up watching the world’s longest blooper reel looping through my mind. It’s like the worst Blockbuster store ever, playing the same awful movie on replay until every bit of the movie lodges into memory forever. 

It’s easy to get lost in these thoughts and let them take over, I know because I’ve done that more times that I care to admit, but it’s also in those times when Matthew’s words comfort me. I am tired, I am worried, I want rest – so I start talking. My prayers are not pretty, they’re somewhat informal, like we’re best friends almost, but I think that’s ok. As I talk to God, my worries fade and the next thing I know – I have found my rest and it is morning.

Deuteronomy 31:8 

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

This has been one of my all time favorite verses for many situations; but these words feel like a verse about depression to help keep us going. I feel alone a lot, like no one understands how I feel (myself included). It is a scary place to feel so lost and unsure, but I find a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not alone. 

The author hints life can be scary or hard, but we should not be afraid or discouraged. Easier said than done? Absolutely. However, keeping this around to read or repeat to myself in the hardest times has been a life saver for me. I recommend keeping this nearby in your purse or on your phone. Something you can peek at when you’re feeling down easily.

Isaiah 41:10 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Teaching my kids how to ride two-wheel bikes without training wheels was no simple task. The looks of terror on their faces communicated they thought they were not ready, struggling with the concept, and certain great bodily harm was in their future. I knew they were big enough, strong enough, and ready for this big step. They just needed hear I would stay by them, to feel my hand on their backs, and see me running next to them at first; until they got the hang of it. I am proud to say they both ride bikes brilliantly today. 

I think that’s exactly what this Bible verse for depression says for us all. We may not feel we are capable or ready to face whatever is pulling us down, but we are not alone. God will stay by us, with his hand on our backs even if we can’t feel it, and run beside us. Or walk if we’re talking about me, because as God or anyone I know will tell you – I don’t do running. The point is, He will meet you where you are, stay by you, and give you the strength you need to move on. The only thing you need to do is show up and believe in his loving words. 

Fill your war chest

There are a million other Bible verses for depression worth reading but these are my absolute favorites. My “war chest” of verses for the really big battle days. Reading these verses about depression reminds me these feelings are not new or only known to me. People have struggled with similar feelings since we left Eden. Feeling less alone makes it so much easier to keep going. 

Do you have any favorite Bible verses for depression or books that help you through? Feel free to share them! I would love to check them out and build up the war chest!

Posted in Christian, God, longreads, prayer

Trust in the Lord – Proverbs for difficult times in life – SheProclaims.com

PROVERBS: The O.G.

Trust in the Lord like you do Google

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

I love Google. I have no idea how people navigated work, raising children, and adult life before Google was invented. Hats off to those who did, thank you Jesus that I didn’t have to. I rely on Google as far more than just an internet search – its like a trusted friend I can turn to for help any time of the day without judgement. 

Actual things I have “Googled”:

“Why is my sewing machine thread bunching up?” Answer: it was a tension issue and Google walked me through step-by-step how to fix with like a patient teacher. 

“How can I get the cat to eat her vitamin?” Answer: like a true Doctor Dolittle, Google gave me a list of ways to try – we found hiding it in her normal food works great. 

“Do cats have belly buttons?” Answer: they do. Shoutout to Google for making me look intelligent to my 8 year old. I even showed her a picture from Google since our cat wasn’t in a cooperative mood that day.

“How can I make a million dollars?” Answer: Google told me all about jobs, college, owning my own business, and investing. Obviously, there’s no easy way, but Google clearly believes in me and knows I can do it if I put my mind to it. Thanks Google.

I love Google so much for its ability to help me out with random questions, worries, needs, and information no matter the time of the day or not. 

Those are also the same reasons I love the book of Proverbs more than any other. I’m not sure we’re supposed to play favorites with books of the Bible, they’re all great and have their purpose, but Proverbs? Proverbs is my jam. Proverbs is the OG (Original Google). While Google can help me get through many tasks I face in life, Proverbs gets me through the living parts. The love, sadness, scared, worried, lonely, happy, how to be a good person parts. Proverbs reminds me to trust in the Lord.

Trust in the Lord for help

Actual things I have “Proverbed” (that’s a word now, I just made it):

“How I can live a good life?” Answer: Proverbs 22

“How can I have a good marriage?” Answer: Proverbs 5 (I feel this one goes both ways).

“Why should I keep going to work?” Answer: Proverbs 6.

“Why should I forgive people who are total jerks to me?” Answer: Proverbs 10.

“How am I supposed to get through this?” Answer: Proverbs 17.

You can read the verses for yourself if you’re looking for info on those things. The beauty of Proverbs is that is has the best advice and we all take away what we need from it. Proverbs is a book of lessons, not instructions, left to us by Solomon on how to trust in the Lord. I think of Solomon as my really cool, patient, wise uncle who has the best advice for me. I love Uncle Sol. He tells it like he sees is, even if I don’t like what he has to say, I know that he is giving me the best advice from the very bottom of his heart. God put that knowledge in Uncle Sol and gave Uncle Sol to all of us so we would have someone to turn to. I like to visit with him. Uncle Sol’s place is a total judgement-free zone. 

I have been feeling Proverbs 3:5 quit a bit in the last few years. On one hand, I feel like it can be a really easy way to explain away everything bad that’s happening to us. Kind of a “this too shall pass” sort of response to anything that makes us uncomfortable, but that’s not how I see it. 

We know life isn’t going to be easy, we were literally told things were going to get hard waaaaay back after the whole “serpent and the fruit” incident. We were told to our faces that things would be hard. Straight up. No misunderstanding it. I appreciate that level of honest candor. I think that’s when candor was invented, which also makes it very cool. It also makes it hard sometimes to trust in the Lord when life seems extra hard.

However, to me, it reminds us that even if everything around us is awful and feels like its crashing down we need to know that God really is doing everything out of total love for us. Like a parent. We might not understand, there are plenty of times we will not understand, but we have to know that He loves us even when it feels like he doesn’t. 

My kids do not understand why I enforce bedtimes, screen limits, or make them brush their teeth. They fight me on those things, along with close to a bazillion others, because they just don’t understand why some things are good or necessary for them. They think I’m mean, which I am ok with since I know they don’t understand, but I promise you I do all of these things from the purest, most love-filled part of my heart. 

Uncle Sol points this out in Proverbs. At first, I rolled my eyes and thought that I’d finally gotten the old man! Finally, I was able to stump him and had proven myself to be an exception to thousands years of his advice. I had examples in my life where situations were clearly done without an ounce of love for me. Nothing but spite or indifference could have allowed these to happen. I wrote down a few with every intention of telling people about the handful of times Proverbs had been wrong for me.

Times I thought Uncle Sol was wrong:

When people I loved walked away and left me feeling alone. 

When we were faced with a horrific school situation and forced to pull our kids from the school we’d fought to get into. 

When I lost my job, apartment, and had to file for bankruptcy all within the same month. 

When I had to watch someone I loved deeply suffer and die. 

I stared at the list for awhile and thought back to those times. I thought back to how hurt I’d been, how alone I’d felt, and how sad I was. I remembered feeling I could not get through any single one of those events, let alone all of them, in the course of one life. I also know there are many, many more that I could share. Life isn’t easy. 

I started looking back and comparing where I was to where I am now with each of these events. I was so glad to be so far away from those places of despair, I was proud to see how I had managed to overcome all of these and rebuild wonderful things in my life. That’s when Uncle Sol’s words started creeping back into my mind – trust God and don’t rely on your own understanding. Then I wrote out the rest of these stories. 

Times I thought Uncle Sol was wrong but it turns out he wasn’t:

When people I loved walked away and left me feeling alone. I learned to trust in the Lord and make family with the people around me who do love me. I learned how not to treat other people. I learned how to forgive and move forward without bitterness in my heart. I value my kind of loyal people so much more.

When we were faced with a horrific school situation and forced to pull our kids from the school we’d fought to get into. My kids are actually both in insanely better places now. Places I never would have considered if I hadn’t been forced to. My heart was broken leaving the “good” school, but I am overjoyed to say we put our trust in the Lord and ended up at the “better” school. I never would have thought it. Better friends, better teachers, better experiences, better parents…everything is better for us. I value the people in my children’s lives so much more.

When I lost my job, apartment, and had to file for bankruptcy all within the same month. I got to move back to my hometown. It was a move I had wanted to make but had convinced myself was out of my reach. Funny how necessity changes things. I got to spend tons of time with my two year old, that’s worth everything. I got to spend lots of time with my boyfriend (now husband), and I got to start over. Every debt and struggle was left behind with a bad marriage – I had a clean slate to build back up. It was all scary but the push I needed. My trust in the Lord kept me going. I value all I have so much more.

When I had to watch someone I loved deeply suffer and die. I took the time to put someone else first. Her needs were more important than mine. I had conversations that I wish I’d had years before. I said things I’m so grateful I did and put my trust in the Lord. I hated that she suffered but I am so thankful for the warning it gave me. I tell people how important they are to me now. I want them to know while they’re here to appreciate it and before it’s too late. I value time so much more.

There are a lot of other situations in my life and the world that I still can’t see the value of: why do kids get cancer? Why does suicide happen? Why are there wars? Why are there mass shootings? Why do people suffer with Alzheimer’s? Why is addiction a thing? How come ice cream makes me fat (but happy) and celery is stupid? 

Uncle Sol is right. I don’t need to know the answers always. I don’t need to understand. It might take days, years, or a lifetime but eventually the good from every situation will be presented to me. Yes, as you know I am struggling but I will come through this better than before. He didn’t give us an authoritative instruction book of rules. He gave us loving advice like a parent to child, teacher to student, or wise old uncle to trusting niece. We don’t need to understand, we just need to trust and be loved. Even when it’s scary.

Posted in Anxiety, Christian, Depression, guest writer, happiness, longreads, Meditation, moms, motherhood, sad, selfcare, suicide, Uncategorized

Sorry My Depression Makes You Uncomfortable – SheProclaims.com

“It’s just difficult for us when we don’t what your mood will be today. Your depression makes us uncomfortable.”

I am sorry my depression makes you uncomfortable. Want to know why people suffer in silence? Don’t get help? Get lost in the darkness, leaving everyone shaking their heads saying “I had no idea…”? It’s because too often, others make your depression about them. They shame people into feeling small, bothersome, and crazy for struggling when they don’t feel we should.

I have gone over this before, remember this post? But that’s fine. I’m will not going away. I’ll address it until I die.

I’m done with the mask. I will not going to tell you I’m fine, when I’m not. I also won’t breakdown sobbing and unleashing all my problems on you. Instead, I’m going to be quieter than usual when you see me while I work things out. It’s going to get uncomfortable, but I’m ok with that. Uncomfortable is where change begins.

I’m so sorry if my depression is inconvenient for you. Clearly, I am doing this to make you uncomfortable and cause as much disruption to your life as possible. It’s a well known fact that people choose depression and other mental illnesses out of spite most of the time. And for the fame and admiration which comes with being labeled. Right?

I realize that even though it takes a 30 minute pep talk and prayer meeting to will myself out of bed, I am making life your life hard by not being perkier in the mornings.

Even though I am often exhausted from insomnia and constantly talking my anxiety down to a manageable level, you’re right. It’s my responsibility to make sure everyone else is completely at ease around me at all times. Instead of a simple polite smile when you say good morning, I will try to light up like the Griswold family’s Christmas lights and enthusiastically greet you. That won’t feel fake or awkward for anyone.

Its great when you ask what will make me happy. Obviously, I withhold that one thing from myself just to ruin your day. I am thinking of a number between 1 and 100 billion, as soon as we reach that number with the question, I will spill it and we’ll all have a good laugh at this game.

You get bonus points by demanding I tell you what is making me sad. That is definitely going to help – especially if you can raise your voice during the conversation. Maybe…just maybe, you’ll be the one to “set me straight”. Worst case, we’ll be closer to the secret number.

Please keep inviting me to things only to get offended if I politely decline. If I do go, get ready to be irritated when I don’t have as much fun as you think I do. Probably a good time to interrogate me more too. Maybe in front of a group? That might help.

Thank you for telling me about 10 people you know who are in worse positions than me. Nothing pulls one out of depression faster than knowing things can get worse. Make sure to use lots of shame and guilt to hammer that point home. People with depression and mental illness are known for having large amounts of self esteem. Good idea pointing those faults out to bring us all back down to Earth.

Clearly, I choose to struggle with food, sleep, chores, work, socializing, and productivity. All because I want to annoy and inconvenience those around me. I’m a very selfish person as I wake up every day and decide “I’m going to be sad today. Again.”

Actually, I’m sorry I’m not sorry at all.

I’m sorry if me speaking up, speaking out, and asking for help is uncomfortable for you. I’m sorry if its frustrating you or inconvenient for you. I know I’m supposed to suffer in silence out of respect for your comfort level and desired ignorance.

Wait, no I’m not. Not sorry at all. My job isn’t to make you feel good about the world. Your happiness and level of comfort are not my responsibility. Stop trying to make it so. I will not apologize if my depression makes you feel uncomfortable.

Requests that I just be happy, just be fun, smile more, and make others comfortable is ridiculous. I’m going to admit when I’m struggling and need help until everyone can start thinking about how we can help people, instead of how we can try to convince people they should be fine – then hope they hide their pain.

Posted in Christian, Depression, guest writer, longreads, Meditation

Featured Guest Writer on United House Publishing – SheProclaims.com

I am a featured guest writer for United House Publishing on their blog. This is a blog that I first found on Instagram and started following because they share wonderful inspirational quotes each day that make me smile! Find them here on Instagram and show them some love for all the good they’re doing!

It’s no secret that I have struggled as the seasons of my life change – but no matter the struggle, the change ends up for the good. I used to think I was alone with these thoughts and struggles, but I am learning how wrong I am there! Since sharing my honest battle with depression across the web, I have met many amazing women with similar stories to mine.

Click here for the full post!

I love being able to share my experiences and thoughts with others to bring light to subjects that are so important to my heart. This site is one I really love visiting, not only for the amazing blog, but for the help and tips for writers you can find. Thank you for inviting me to be a featured guest writer for United House Publishing! This was a great experience and I would love to come back for another post sometime in the future!

I am always looking for more opportunities to spread my thoughts and messages of hope to anyone in need. Please click share on the link to the blog or contact me directly if your site would be interested in featuring this (or a first run post). I would love to be a featured writer on your blog, site, or publication as well!

By bringing these things into the light, I believe with all of my heart that someday we will defeat them. And always remember that you matter, you have value, we are great, and we will get through all the seasons of life!