Posted in Christian, Depression, God, guest writer, happiness, longreads, motherhood, parenting, Uncategorized

Thanksgiving Thoughts

I had no idea 2 years ago when I started diving deep into my Bible journaling and studying what the next 18 months had in store for me. Marriage struggles (we’re good now), financial problems (also good), parenting challenges (still doing our best), depression dive (I’m in my comeback!), deaths close to us, sickness around us, and struggles for people we love. I have been through hard times before but 2018 and 2019 may have been the hardest years on my heart to date.

I came across many verses which continue to help me when I struggle and I am still finding new ones all the time. Even new meanings in old ones as I read them again. However, in 2017 I found two in Colossians and Thessalonians which speak to my heart so strongly here in 2019 that I wanted to share them with you. Both are really great books to read this time of the year, in my opinion;  full of beauty, hope, thankfulness, and truth. A little like me. 

Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace and always be thankful.”

I look around the world, my state, my town, my office, my church, my family and I can find people I agree with fully. People who stand for what I do and stand up to what I do also. I love those people. They are easy to get along with, to be thankful for, and to work closely with. They fill my heart. 

I can also find plenty of people in each of these places I do not agree with at all. I find their stances to be unfair to many, hurtful, based in exclusion, omission, and rejection. Hearing them talk makes me want to cry for the world and apologize to my children. Sometimes, I actually do. I struggle to work with them and be thankful for their work in the world. They break my heart. 

There are also many people who walk the fine line between filling and breaking my heart. These are the people I love so dearly and support in so many ways, yet cannot understand how their heart sees the world’s issues how they are. I am roughly 50-75% thankful for these people at a glance, depending on if they are doing what I like or not in a given moment. They confuse my heart. 

Colossians 3:15 was an epic wake up call for me (also, if you really want to think about the body of Christ idea, check out this sermon from my church recently!). We are all different. We are not all the same parts, which can lead to some issues, but need to live in peace. We need to be thankful for the people around us. I do not agree on many things with a friend who spends a lot of time volunteering at a veteran’s hospital. He’s doing good, even all of his work isn’t what I want. People I wish would open their eyes to causes around the world volunteer at their churches to help the hungry. I’m thankful for that. 

We don’t have to agree to be thankful for one another. 

Thessalonians 5:18 “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 

How hard is this one? I stared at this one for a long time when I first came upon it. It’s hard to be grateful in hard times. I think its only human to see the bad at face value. It’s easy to get lost in the sadness, hopelessness, and darkness surrounding hard times. If you’re anything like me, the easy path is the preferred one whenever possible. Life is hard enough without volunteering yourself for more, right?

In this case, that couldn’t be more wrong. Being down, brings you down further. Letting the sadness get too far, lets the depression sneak in and take over. Losing sight of the goodness and being thankful makes life a long, miserable sentence. Even in the hard times, there is something good in each day. 

Every night for as long as I can remember, I ask my daughter at bedtime “What was something kind someone did for you? And what is something kid you did for someone?”. Some nights she’s got more than one answer for each question queued up for me. Some nights she bursts into tears and we need to talk a bit to come up with two answers together. Some days are better than others. 

The point of this verse and the point I’m trying to make to her is this: there is something good in every day. Sometimes we have to look harder than others, but it’s there. Find it. Don’t let the hard times or sad times win. 

There are so many more, I could go on, but go find them for yourself. This year? I’m thankful for you, for healing, for my family, my friends, my job, my health, my cat, and all the hard things I have been able to overcome. I’m ready for whatever is next.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted in books, Christian, guest writer, Uncategorized, What I'm Reading

What I’m Reading – November 2019

Another month, another list! Check out dinner of my favorite books and PLEASE let me know what I should check out next!

The Bible – by various authors

Ok, this is a bit of a “gimme” and stretch for my reading list. I get that. However, November is a month I really focus on taking the time to read and journal my Bible each year. I started this a few years back and have really learned a lot about myself with this method. You can follow a devotional, select a specific book, or find a guided study plan online (check my Pinterest board for lots of great ones!). Generally speaking, I read a few verses and jot down my thoughts. Some days I’m all done in 5 minutes. Other days I wind up writing pages for myself and digging way deeper into the chapter than I planned to. What you find will not disappoint you and I am excited to be doing this again. 

Click here for my Pinterest board to get YOUR start on an easy daily plan – FOR FREE!

Seasons in Hell – by Ed Vulliamy

Honestly, this book is not one I would classify as light, pleasurable reading. It’s dark, scary, intense, and horrifying. Worst of all? It’s all true. I remember hearing about violence and a war raging in Bosnia as a teen, but to be honest I never really gave it much thought. When you are 14 and something is happening on the other side of the world, it doesn’t exactly become important to you. Especially not before social media (because I’m that old). 

Fast forward 25 years and I work side-by-side with a survivor of this nation’s infighting. As I’ve watched scenes from our nation and others unfold on the news, I can’t help but see how lucky I am to live where I do – even if I’m not a fan of everything going on here. Furthermore, I grew up here. I have no idea what it’s like to fear for my life and see guns on the street – PRAISE THE LORD. I wanted to know more about where he is from and he recommended this book. 

Whether you read this book or another, I believe reading books about other cultures, places, religions, and nations is important for us all. We try to blend together and work together, but we all have different backgrounds that impact how we interact with the world. Taking a moment to glean some understanding about the people and world around us is the first step to being a part of a more unified world.

Transforming Your Thought Life: Christian Meditation in Focus by Sarah Geringer

I love meditation, mindfulness, and Jesus – this book helped strengthen my meditations in a Christian manner. If you have questions or are unsure about how this practice can be useful to Christians because of its Eastern religion books, you need this book. Sarah guides you through how to incorporate this practice in your day, step-by-step. 

And Riley Runs by N. Annette Knight 

Great news! This one is a short story. Which is great because is an addicting story that will pull you in. A teen separated from her class trip, a mother frantic to save her, and a dark figure lurking close by. 

Definitely the best deal on Amazon! You won’t regret your evening spent with Riley!

My list is slowly shrinking… whaaaat should I read next? BONUS POINTS for a Christmas Book recommendation! 

Posted in Anxiety, Christian, Depression, guest writer, happiness, longreads, Meditation, moms, motherhood, sad, selfcare, suicide, Uncategorized

Sorry My Depression Makes You Uncomfortable – SheProclaims.com

“It’s just difficult for us when we don’t what your mood will be today. Your depression makes us uncomfortable.”

I am sorry my depression makes you uncomfortable. Want to know why people suffer in silence? Don’t get help? Get lost in the darkness, leaving everyone shaking their heads saying “I had no idea…”? It’s because too often, others make your depression about them. They shame people into feeling small, bothersome, and crazy for struggling when they don’t feel we should.

I have gone over this before, remember this post? But that’s fine. I’m will not going away. I’ll address it until I die.

I’m done with the mask. I will not going to tell you I’m fine, when I’m not. I also won’t breakdown sobbing and unleashing all my problems on you. Instead, I’m going to be quieter than usual when you see me while I work things out. It’s going to get uncomfortable, but I’m ok with that. Uncomfortable is where change begins.

I’m so sorry if my depression is inconvenient for you. Clearly, I am doing this to make you uncomfortable and cause as much disruption to your life as possible. It’s a well known fact that people choose depression and other mental illnesses out of spite most of the time. And for the fame and admiration which comes with being labeled. Right?

I realize that even though it takes a 30 minute pep talk and prayer meeting to will myself out of bed, I am making life your life hard by not being perkier in the mornings.

Even though I am often exhausted from insomnia and constantly talking my anxiety down to a manageable level, you’re right. It’s my responsibility to make sure everyone else is completely at ease around me at all times. Instead of a simple polite smile when you say good morning, I will try to light up like the Griswold family’s Christmas lights and enthusiastically greet you. That won’t feel fake or awkward for anyone.

Its great when you ask what will make me happy. Obviously, I withhold that one thing from myself just to ruin your day. I am thinking of a number between 1 and 100 billion, as soon as we reach that number with the question, I will spill it and we’ll all have a good laugh at this game.

You get bonus points by demanding I tell you what is making me sad. That is definitely going to help – especially if you can raise your voice during the conversation. Maybe…just maybe, you’ll be the one to “set me straight”. Worst case, we’ll be closer to the secret number.

Please keep inviting me to things only to get offended if I politely decline. If I do go, get ready to be irritated when I don’t have as much fun as you think I do. Probably a good time to interrogate me more too. Maybe in front of a group? That might help.

Thank you for telling me about 10 people you know who are in worse positions than me. Nothing pulls one out of depression faster than knowing things can get worse. Make sure to use lots of shame and guilt to hammer that point home. People with depression and mental illness are known for having large amounts of self esteem. Good idea pointing those faults out to bring us all back down to Earth.

Clearly, I choose to struggle with food, sleep, chores, work, socializing, and productivity. All because I want to annoy and inconvenience those around me. I’m a very selfish person as I wake up every day and decide “I’m going to be sad today. Again.”

Actually, I’m sorry I’m not sorry at all.

I’m sorry if me speaking up, speaking out, and asking for help is uncomfortable for you. I’m sorry if its frustrating you or inconvenient for you. I know I’m supposed to suffer in silence out of respect for your comfort level and desired ignorance.

Wait, no I’m not. Not sorry at all. My job isn’t to make you feel good about the world. Your happiness and level of comfort are not my responsibility. Stop trying to make it so. I will not apologize if my depression makes you feel uncomfortable.

Requests that I just be happy, just be fun, smile more, and make others comfortable is ridiculous. I’m going to admit when I’m struggling and need help until everyone can start thinking about how we can help people, instead of how we can try to convince people they should be fine – then hope they hide their pain.

Posted in Christian, Depression, guest writer, longreads, Meditation

Featured Guest Writer on United House Publishing – SheProclaims.com

I am a featured guest writer for United House Publishing on their blog. This is a blog that I first found on Instagram and started following because they share wonderful inspirational quotes each day that make me smile! Find them here on Instagram and show them some love for all the good they’re doing!

It’s no secret that I have struggled as the seasons of my life change – but no matter the struggle, the change ends up for the good. I used to think I was alone with these thoughts and struggles, but I am learning how wrong I am there! Since sharing my honest battle with depression across the web, I have met many amazing women with similar stories to mine.

Click here for the full post!

I love being able to share my experiences and thoughts with others to bring light to subjects that are so important to my heart. This site is one I really love visiting, not only for the amazing blog, but for the help and tips for writers you can find. Thank you for inviting me to be a featured guest writer for United House Publishing! This was a great experience and I would love to come back for another post sometime in the future!

I am always looking for more opportunities to spread my thoughts and messages of hope to anyone in need. Please click share on the link to the blog or contact me directly if your site would be interested in featuring this (or a first run post). I would love to be a featured writer on your blog, site, or publication as well!

By bringing these things into the light, I believe with all of my heart that someday we will defeat them. And always remember that you matter, you have value, we are great, and we will get through all the seasons of life!