Tag: God

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Why are People Leaving Church?

I read a lot and last week someone shared a wonderful post by John Pavlovitz that I feel everyone needs to read titled “Dear Church, Here’s why People are Leaving”.

After I read it, the words kept rattling around in my head. After reading and re-reading it a few times, I came to one simple conclusion:

He nailed it.

People are leaving the church because the church is leaving them.

Instead of being a welcoming place for all kinds of sinners to gather and learn about forgiveness and love, many churches are focusing on telling people who can or cannot worship with them. Instead of loving everyone they limit who can only partially participate in services and who cannot participate at all.

The “you can’t sit with us” attitude of the modern church has created a theological Mean Girls sequel many people do not want to be a part of. Pastor Regina George, anyone?

When people are openly told they are not welcome, of course they’re not going to stick around. https://johnpavlovitz.com/2019/05/14/dear-church-heres-why-people-are-leaving/Neither are the people who love them. We are told countless times in the Bible to love and welcome all – not just those who are like us. This seems even more obvious since we are all sinners. Who are we to decide who is better or worse? We are in no position to decide who is worthy of God’s love and who is not.

People aren’t just leaving because they don’t love God or find religion outdated. They are leaving because so many in religion are literally telling them they do not belong. Church leaders can act confused and continue scratching their heads in wonder all they want. They can blame it on Satan and host all the emergency meetings they want to try and fight this evil away, but until more churches start looking inward at their actions it’s not going to get any better.

When you side with oppression, promote omission, and continue to shame anyone different than you, you will end up losing every time.

Jesus didn’t ask us to judge and exclude. He asked us to follow him, then led us straight to the most marginalized people and embraced them. He told us to love them too.

We cannot hold others to our flawed human expectations and continue to wonder why people are leaving churches.

It’s not because of a lack of faith, it’s because of a lack of decency.

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It’s a bit of a shock…

It’s a bit of a shock when you realize much of the theology you learned as a kid isn’t as much Biblically based as it is politically based.

Billy Graham, Dwight Eisenhower, and many denominations weren’t being led by God but by their own ego, disguised as what’s best for us.

Jesus was a migrant, hidden in a foreign land as a child…so why do the people leading us speak harshly about refugees? We LITERALLY worship one.

God never once blessed America. Do we hope he does? Of course. We all hope we are blessed…but this idea that America is some God-chosen blessed land? I can’t get behind it. Where does it say that? God’s chosen land is in the middle east. We aren’t sure exactly where, but I’m confident it’s in a nation many Christians claim are out to destroy us.

And this idea that God won’t give us more than we can handle? That’s crap too. Of course He will. Why else would we need Him? Or the church? Or each other?

The idea we should be able to handle things without help because it’s “God’s will” is preposterous. He doesn’t set us up to feel like failures. He gave us Himself, His son, and each other to lean on. Stop thinking you’re a failure because a flawed human made up a saying and keeps shoving it down your throat.

So many things I’ve questioned but been shushed on in the past are starting to make sense. But with every answer, a new question arises. I want to take the easy answers at face value… but maybe that’s the problem?

The searching continues.

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Questioning God

I have so many questions in working through and growing in my faith. As I find answers and resources, I plan to share it all!

However, my ACTUAL first question was very simple. And also way bigger than I first imagined.

Is all this questioning, digging, and learning ok? Like, is it allowed? I have some questions, but whether or not I love God isn’t one of them. Obviously, I don’t want to step on His proverbial toes.

So, of course, my Uncle Sol left behind the answer in Proverbs…. (If you’re new here, I love Uncle Sol’s wisdom) and it ABSOLUTELY is allowed. It’s even encouraged!

“Try to get wisdom and understanding. Don’t forget my teaching or ignore what I say. 

Don’t turn away from wisdom, and she will protect you. Love her, and she will keep you safe. “The first step to becoming wise is to look for wisdom, so use everything you have to get understanding. 

Love wisdom, and she will make you great. Hold on to wisdom, and she will bring you honor. 

Wisdom will reward you with a crown of honor and glory.”

– Proverbs 4:5-9

So here we go. Make sure you’re following me or on the mailing list so you don’t miss out on wherever this goes!

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Broken Prayers?

Are my prayers broken?


When I pray, I find myself often asking God to make things go how I want them to. When I hear others pray, it seems like they’re doing the same thing too – so I guess somewhere along the way we must have all picked up that that’s how we pray. 


But is it how we’re supposed to pray?


Because lately, it’s started to feel like I’m a kid begging for changes because I don’t like what’s going on. Please make Covid go away, help happen, let me get this thing I want…I’m praying to Him but I’m heavily focused on me. 


It makes sense, I suppose, when you look at human nature that prayer would also fall into this me-centric way of thinking. We’re hard wired back to fight or flight to look out for ourselves and survive. I wonder if it’s possible those instincts still have more daily control over us than we realize and have now made their way into prayer. 


Instead of asking God to make things go our way, shouldn’t we be asking him to help us be who He wants us to be in a situation? Even if we don’t like it, if He put us in it there must be a reason behind it. Maybe it’s an opportunity for growth, there’s a lesson to learn, or we’re playing a role in someone else’s lesson.


Instead of asking God to improve every situation for us, maybe we should be asking God to improve us for every situation. 


This one has me really thinking about how I’m approaching my day and situations. It’s got me rethinking how I approach God. He isn’t a genie meant to bend the world to my liking – not at all. Somewhere, I seem to have borderline confused him as such. 


I’d really like to hear your thoughts and feedback on this. Anyone know of any books or podcasts about this? I could be way off base, but I feel like there is a lot of peace we’re denying ourselves here.

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Faithful Resolutions are the Key to Success

Faithful resolutions are so much better than the others. The expectations for the year are realistic and basic. With the state of the world these days, I’m confident that was the right move heading into the New Year. While resolutions are hard to keep, we know looking for more happiness in our life is always a good undertaking. Some days will be more productive than others, but we’re making progress. Progress is more than enough. 

What about your faith this year? What are you doing to grow that? Faithful resolutions are my favorite. Unlike the crazy variables in our spastic world, our faith will never let us down. In fact, it’s the rock that we can firmly stand on amidst the chaos in the world and our life. Faith is life. 

All you really need to do in your faithful resolutions in 2021 is follow this lead from Jonathan Edwards:

Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will. 

I love it. Sure it sounds basic and simple, but at the end of the day pure faith and love are basic and simple too. The beauty of God is that he doesn’t track how many times you read your Bible or how many daily devotionals you complete in your lifetime. Yes, they bring His words closer to us but if we aren’t letting them sink in to become the core of us, I don’t think He cares how much studying we do. Our faithful resolutions require more action from us.

God Loves Faithful Resolutions

He wants people who love Him. People who know how to ask for forgiveness for mistakes and gracefully give forgiveness to those who wrong us. People who not only read or speak his words, but actively live them out. Love each other, help each other, and worship Him.

Say your prayers. Use the canned ones if needed, but speak to God honestly and openly from your heart. Tell him your mistakes, worries, and fears. If you cannot be raw and vulnerable with Him, who can you? Ask him for his help and mean it. Sit in the stillness and keep your heart open as you move through your day. He’s there, you just need to let Him help. 

Resolving to be more faithful doesn’t require anything flashy or special to achieve. It doesn’t require perfection or daily tasks to be checked off. There is no required purchase or equipment and no mandatory meeting to attend. This resolution is the easiest and will change your life deeper than any other. 

Live like he wants. God loves justice, love, and helping others. Speak up for those who cannot and be there for them in their struggles – even while you’re dealing with your own. The best way to grow your personal faith is to look beyond yourself. Doing His work and living his words is worth more than being able to recite verses. 

Don’t Stop Believing

Finally, even when the world around us seems to be losing its faith everywhere we look – hold strong to yours. It’s easy to love God when life is full of rainbows and sunshine. Loving God during dark and stormy times is where faith grows. Keep walking with God, even if no one else is, and goodness will be restored around you. 

“Forget the former things;

    do not dwell on the past.

 See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

 I am making a way in the wilderness

    and streams in the wasteland.”

~ Isaiah 43:18-19

This year, I’m not focusing on the mistakes or shortcomings I had in 2020 to make resolutions I likely won’t keep. No one should. Every day is a chance to start something new, to do good things, and to improve ourselves. Take them one day at a time and give yourself grace throughout the year. It’s ok if you miss a Monday, eat that brownie, or forget to do a week’s worth of reading. Life happens. 

Just stay focused on the good stuff. Wake up daily full of gratefulness for another chance at life and do good things. No matter how big or small they may be, do them in love. They’re the key to successful resolutions for a righteous life. 

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I’m Not a Real Christian

I’m not a real Christian according to some.

Some people tell me because I believe in Science along with God, I’m not a real Christian. I believe in the Science that masks, washing hands, washing surfaces, and limiting close contact with people will keep us healthy. I believe that even a 2% death rate is too much. I believe the world can reopen if everyone would follow that plan but since so many people are too selfish to follow the rules, we have no choice but to be closed. I believe if masks were not healthy, surgeons, fencers, and dentists would have been dying in droves long before this started. 

I believe the people in our world are too selfish to look beyond themselves to do anything slightly inconvenient. That’s the real plague hitting our world. I also believe until people start doing things to help people, this will be here until we start coming back loving each other how God wanted in the same way the Plagues in Exodus just kept coming until the Pharaoh finally did the right thing.

Some say I’m not a real Christian because I am pro-choice. Even though John 6-8 from The Message reminds us: “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone”. For my body, I am pro-life. I wish everyone would be pro-life, but I also understand some people are in terrible situations where that just may not be possible. For those people, I love them and support them making the most difficult choice ever.

I am not without sin, I will not judge them for theirs. Instead, I will love them and fight to protect them from the unfair stones coming their way. I also do not understand how the people from the previous paragraph can be ok with 2% of sick people of dying but still yell all lives matter and pro-life is in the only way. Sounds more “Pro-birth” than Pro-life to me. Especially when we treat the poor, oppressed, foreign-born people so horribly.

Some say I am wrong for believing immigrants, refugees, and asylum seekers deserve to be welcomed. With a hot meal, a warm bed, and a chance to live a life away from the dangerous parts they came from just as the book of Matthew instructs. These are families who have taken their babies through war zones to protect them and give them a good life. They are not a threat to our lives. They are brothers and sisters seeking a better life. 

Many of them are the same people so many vacation mission trips swear they love and want to help so badly. If you can love them when you get to work in the Dominican, Puerto Rico, Cuba, and Mexico when you get to visit and work in paradise – why can’t you love them the same when they come here? Is it really about the mission then? Or boosting your ego on social media while getting a tan and visiting paradise? I believe we should love people and help them everywhere. Especially when they are on our own doorsteps. It’s literally what Revelation 3:14-20 was written for.

Some say I’m not a real Christian believe I believe love is love. Love is for everyone. Honestly, I think we got Leviticus 18:22 all wrong. The flawed human who interpreted those words then wrote it down clearly misunderstood something. I do not believe our God, so full of love, would ever say true love is wrong. He would not promote hate. He would certainly not teach us to judge, shun, and treat people unjustly over their love. I believe God Himself felt so seriously about it, He sent his son down to clear it all up for us with actual words from His own mouth in John 13:34-35: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” This isn’t rocket science. Its a new commandment, one that covers the whole Bible and the whole world forever. Love everyone as Jesus loves you. 

You sin, I sin, we all sin yet God and Jesus love us. That’s how He tells us to conduct ourselves and the only way people will know we are His disciples. By loving people how we are loved. Full of grace and forgiveness. During hard times, happy times, scary times, sad times – all of the times! I searched those verses in multiple Bibles looking for the * pointing out it applied to everyone except gay people, and guess what? It wasn’t there. Not in NIV, KJV, The Message, NLT, ESV, NKJV, or anywhere. They all say it clear as day. 

Love everyone as Jesus loves you. THAT is how the world knows you’re a Chrisitian. That is what I’m trying to do. 

I don’t worry about anyone who thinks giving love and demanding justice for all the people of the world makes me less of a Christian. Their judgement doesn’t matter to me nor should it matter to you. It’s hard some days when you feel like you’re in the minority and surrounded by hate, but you’re doing exactly what we were all asked to before Jesus left. 

Jesus says that makes us all real Christians. Some people may say I’m not a real Christian but I’m not living my life to appeal to their judgemental hearts. I am living my life to love and help those around me. Just like my Bible tells me to.

And that’s all that matters.

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Protect the poor and oppressed

“How can you be ok with protests for black lives during this virus when you were not ok with protests against the government during the virus?”

A completely fair and valid question I was asked. Something I have asked myself many times over the last few weeks. Am I being hypocritical by shaming one but attending the other? Am I picking and choosing when I want to fear the virus based on what is convenient or most comfortable to me? I don’t know. Maybe. I’m a flawed human, afterall, but it really boils down to Psalm 82:3 for me:

“Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and oppressed.” 

Why do I not agree with protests against COVID-19 safety measures? Because they are there to keep the weak among us safe. Anyone with a compromised system deserves to be taken care of. They matter to their families and that’s all I need to hear for them to matter to me.We have been asked to love each other and take care of those who need it; I have an issue with people who don’t care for each other. Taking care of others is not oppression, it’s an honor I take seriously. Exactly how I would want people taking care of me to do.

I’m going to pause here for a moment to address the word oppressed: the people protesting COVID safety measures are not oppressed. You are not. Being asked to put a layer of cotton over your face and to stay home for a couple of months to save thousands of lives is not oppression. Oppression is not canceling a vacation, missing a haircut, planting flowers later than you would like, not being able to golf, or only getting take out food. Those are all privileges. Complaining about those being temporarily paused to save thousands of lives is disgusting. 

Oppression doesn’t tell you from the start there is an end date. Oppression doesn’t have an end date until generations have suffered and finally speak up. The most commonly used definition of oppression is to “keep (someone) in subservience and hardship, especially by the unjust exercise of authority.” Did the government arrest you for your peaceful protests (I’m not addressing the assault rifles many brought either)? Did the government arrest you for not wearing a mask? Were you stopped and harassed by police for not wearing a mask? Heck. They sent us all money. Oppressed people don’t get checks in the mail from their oppressors.

Parts of this order absolutely frustrated me. I had to reschedule a vacation twice, cancel one trip, and take on homeschooling (which I never wanted to do). I’ve got a solid 4 inches of gray sitting on top of my head, I miss the salon fiercely. I understand wanting this done. However, if me having some crazy hair for a few months can help stop the spread of a virus that kills thousands, I will choose ugly hair every time. 


People said “it only kills old people and people with weakened immune systems, so make them stay home.” That is oppression. You’re picking out someone for reasons beyond their control and limiting their freedoms. They are second class citizens in that narrative to better accommodate you. Not to mention, how does someone look at themselves in the mirror knowing they were ok with everyone’s grandma’s dying as long as they could get a haircut. I have yet to find any way to slightly understand that viewpoint. 

Then, comes “all lives matter”. What? You just said that old people and people with weak immune systems don’t matter. You refused to wear masks to protect babies and small children (who cannot wear masks) because it was annoying. You literally just laid out all sorts of lives that do not matter, then three weeks later when the actually oppressed people start speaking up the narrative changes?

I could respect “all lives matter”, but never agree with it, if the position stayed constant. If the words were clear. Just way what it means: lives like yours matter. Not dark skinned people lives or old people lives or sick people lives (they said it – not me). We already know refugee lives don’t matter and children of immigrants really don’t matter. 

Yes, I went to a protest during the stay at home order. I am not sorry or hypocritical. I happy to see most people wearing masks. Most people stayed apart as best they could too. I went because numbers in my area were down for Covid, some businesses had already opened (I know, not your stupid haircuts), and these were lives at stake that matter also. 

I wore a mask to protect those at risk from the virus and used my voice to try to protect good people from being unfairly treated by people in power. 

I love the police. Their job is hard. Which is why the BAD COPS NEED TO GO. 
I love all people. Life is hard. Which is why the BAD PEOPLE NEED TO GO.
I love peaceful protests. America is beautiful. LOOTERS AND RIOTERS NEED TO GO.
I love protests I don’t support. PROTESTS THAT PUT PEOPLE AT RISK NEED TO GO.
I love people. ACTUAL OPPRESSION AND DISCRIMINATION NEED TO GO.
I love Jesus. Jesus loves people. I love people I don’t agree with. HATE NEEDS TO GO.

I could go on but I don’t see the need. I will do whatever I can to protect people, promote peace, spread justice, and practice love like Jesus did. 

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Online Church isn’t the same. But its still good. – SheProclaims.com

“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am with them”

~ Matthew 18:20 (NLV)

Online Church isn’t the same. But its still good. In fact, its better than good – its great. At least we live in a time where this is an option to help us all be connected. It isn’t safe for us to gather so many people together. We need to stop the spread of illness. This Coronavirus is scary and serious.

CDC guidelines, State mandates, and other words my eyes quickly skimmed led me to a sentence I never thought I’d read in an email from my church. Church services in our building are canceling until May 17. We’ll have online service options with a few leaders and a devotional during the week. Facebook, email, and our website will update you. 

I know we’re not the only church dealing with this. You are probably feeling as numb as I am. No, I don’t make it to church every week but the idea of it being gone for two months feels like someone punching me in the stomach. I cried. I cried and I prayed again for help and comfort for us all right now. Then Matthew 18:20 came to mind. 

I love the whole verse, especially now, but today my heart was drawn specifically to the word “where”.

I always viewed this verse to mean as long as people are physically together in some place that place can be a place of worship. It can be Holy. The woods, the beach, the lake, the mountains, my kitchen, your living room, someone’s yard, a table at a pub, or a crowded arena can all be places for God if our intentions are set on Him. The “where” wasn’t limited just to the church building as long as we were all together some place.

This is different though. Our “where” now requires us to not be physically together in any format. So now what? Does the internet count as “a place”?

The most common definition for “where” in the dictionary is “in or to what place or position.” It speaks about a specific location. That’s how I’ve always looked at it and why I felt so unsettled at first. However, if you keep reading there is another definition I think applies to where we all are right now:

where (adverb): the place or situation in which.

The place or situation in which. The situation in which. If that doesn’t apply to how we’re all experiencing life and worship right now, I don’t know what does. If we slide that version into the verse, instead of just leaning on the word “where” so heavily, this verse becomes the cornerstone of this new “social distancing” worship style we need to embrace.

For the situation in which two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am with them

~ Matthew 18:20

No matter where we are, if we are connecting with each other during this situation, He is with us. Our worships will be different than in the past, but the core practice of people who love God learning about him and loving each other are there. The building and proximity to our church family does not make a church. The people and their willingness to find God and each other in creative ways no matter the circumstances does. 

Online church isn’t the same. But its still good. Its our time to look at things a little differently and learn new things about ourselves and those around us. Online church isn’t the same but it will still be good. It will still be church.

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Gofundme.com – Christmas giving

“Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay.” Matthew 10:8

We’re gathering next week for Christmas. Time spent with our family and friends.  We come together because Jesus was born. We celebrate his birth for all He brought to us: love, healing, and forgiveness. We talk a good game this time of year, but how often do we dig deep to freely give love and healing to others?


Eleven months out of the year, most of us rush through life relatively laser focused on our needs. Its human nature, we’re all guilty from time to time. Then in December we throw a small gift in a can or change in a kettle to warm our hearts.
But what about the people who were struggling before December? What about the families who were torn apart for reasons outside of their control? What about the peopke doing the wirk and doing their best who will need help far beyond the Christmas season?


We want to celebrate Jesus’ birth with presents and decorations, but what about celebrating his life through loving, helping, and giving?
Society complains when single parents (especially dads) don’t step up to support their kids. We complain when they don’t work as hard as we think they should to support their kids. We rant and rave far too often about all the people who do things we do not agree with that we lose sight of the people who quietly step up and do the right thing day in and day out. 


Kenan Harris is one of those people. I am honored to know and work with him. Kenan is a single father to an 11 year old boy (his son’s mother passed away when he was baby). Kenan is a family man who loves God and country. A veteran of the US Army, he works 70 hour weeks to support his son and raise him to be a man of strong character.

He doesn’t do it flashy, he doesn’t look for praise. He shows up to quietly do what’s right and spread his positive outlook. He does it all because its the right thing to do.


Its our turn to step up for him and anyone else in a similar position. To say thank you. To show his son that people care and doing the right thing, like his father does, will always come back to you. 


An 11 year old kid shouldn’t be without his parent on Christmas. We shouldn’t allow it to happen without giving what we can to fund his trip or spread the news that they need help.

You were given love, no questions asked. Its time to pass it on.

Click HERE to donate or share his story!

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Easy Giving Tuesday & #GiftItForward ideas

Easy Giving Tuesday & #GiftItForward ideas

Giving Tuesday & #GiftItForward ideas always flood me this time of year. I’m sitting in a black cape in the rear of the salon while I write this. I’d like to say no gray hairs have ever graced this head, but that would be a lie. In fact, with every passing year the battle to keep them at bay gets harder and harder.

Some day, I told myself, I’ll just color it all gray and be done with this act of vanity. But that day is not today. 

Today I’m watching the clock tick on, enjoying the view of an older gentleman in a bonnet under the dryer across from me, hoping I’ll get a glimpse of his new ‘do before I go.

I also think back to when the gray first showed up. When I was a single mom, working hard to barely keep us afloat, cursing the gray hairs while skillfully balancing my income with our bills. Grateful when I a few dollars left to occasionally mostly match my hair color to a box at Walgreens and wash away the gray for awhile. 

That Christmas, a friend had a gift card for a free coloring to a salon she didn’t go to. I’m not sure if it was the bags under my eyes, the obvious roots from a failed color match attempt, or the harsh gray hairs peeking through that tipped her off but she gifted that gift card to me.

She saw me. My struggle and my wants were acknowledged for the first time in a long time that day. I cried. I know there were other things we actually needed at home, but this was needed just as badly. This was needed for my soul. 

She was giving me far more than just a little pampering. 


I soaked in every moment at the salon that winter. That year I was becoming the solo mom, rock, warrior, and survivor. No regrets came from any of the hard things I was going through, but did miss the little treats I had taken for granted before.

I promised myself two things that day. First, someday all my colors would come from the salon and not the drug store. Secondly, when I got where I was going, I’d turn around to pass along kindness to someone else. 

Here I am, 13 years later, in my cape just like you can find me every 8 weeks. This time of year more that any it takes me back to the gift card and promises made.

“…freely you have received, freely give.” Matthew 10:8


I call it “Giving It Forward”. A way to take what I am have and bless others. To share my good fortune with them and bless them with a little kindness. 

My favorite way to do it this time of year is through gift cards. I receive quite a few each year. Some I’ll use, some I won’t. Many I will only use part of. They used to gather dust in a drawer in my kitchen until “giving it forward” hit me.

Giving Tuesday – #GiftItForward

I gave a gas card for station I am never nearby to a family preparing for a long drive to an important, possibly scary, appointment. I told I found it, I’m not in it for the glory. 

If you were behind me at Starbucks, you have likely received a discount on your drink from the gift card balance I left behind for you. 

To the lady at the Subway drive thru, I saw those kids bouncing in your backseat. I saw the look on your face. A day’s worth of tasks, appointments, worries, and responsibilities veiling your tired face. I hope the card I left behind put a dent in your bill and a smile on your face.

It’s that easy. Freely we receive gifts and freely we pass them on to those around us. It’s not Earth shattering work, there is no handing out of awards, but smiles will be given out. I think that makes it important work. This December, I’m inviting everyone to join me! Follow me on Instagram and tag @She.Proclaims with the #GiftItForward hashtag to see love spread! You can also donate your balances online to charity at Donate Your Card.

(P.S. I am not sure what the man did. He left before I could see him but my stylist and I agree it doesn’t really matter, that’s a man living his best life for himself. Rock on, sir.)