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Seeking peace

“They should shun evil and do good; seek peace and chase after it.” — 1 Peter 3:11

     I have discovered that there are two kinds of passengers in the world: the ones who find joy in the ride and the ones who cannot wait to be there. When he was little, my son fell into the latter category. He could ride like a champ but got bored easily, which led to thousands of hours of “I Spy” between the front and back seats of my car. 

    Until one hot sticky afternoon when we were leaving a parade. I was exhausted from searching for a parking spot, lugging all our spectator gear to the route, and packing it all back after hours under the blazing summer sun to drag it back to the car with a three year old in tow. Out of snacks and trapped in miles of traffic moving at a snail’s pace I did not have a round of “I Spy” in me when the request came in from the backseat. 

    In a moment of desperation, I had a genius mom moment that still lives in infamy in our family. On that hot day I invented what would become “The Yellow Car Game”. I knew there were plenty of cars for him to look at in the traffic, he would be focused on searching them all, but I didn’t see a yellow car anywhere. It was the perfect challenge to keep him busy and rest my mind for a few minutes.  He only found one yellow car that day and it took him 30 minutes – because they aren’t that prevalent.

Stop for a minute and think, When was the last time you saw a yellow car? 

    This immediately replaced “I Spy” as out go-to car game. It was hard at first, until we really started looking closely at the world around us. We had to survey parking lots we passed, drive-thru lines, and car lots to find them. We couldn’t just wait for one to pass us on the highway like so many other colors. We had to seek these out. 

    Eventually, a ten minute trip across town could uncover two or three yellow cars. We could find upwards of ten to fifteen in the span of a day of errands (never the same car twice is the rule). Either everyone suddenly started to buy yellow cars or they had been there all along but we just hadn’t seen them because we weren’t looking for them. I’m going with the second option. 

If you seek it, you will find it.

    Peter would have been good at the yellow car game. Peter knew the importance of seeking things and shared that in his letter to God’s people scattered throughout the world. Times are hard, people are struggling, many are suffering, but Peter reminds them they can still find peace if they seek and chase it. 

Obviously, all of their sufferings won’t be cleared away in a matter of days just for looking for peace but it is a clear reminder that even within hard times goodness is present. It may require difficult searching, like moving stuff in the front of the fridge to see what’s in the back, but it is not impossible. It needs to be actively sought or created but the choice to be a good person, search for peace, and strive for it is always available. 

For those receiving Peter’s words years ago, it likely referred to living good lives in whatever land they found themselves in. They should find ways to live harmoniously wherever they were and actively live as good citizens. Avoiding evil deeds, seeking peaceful living, and making it their goal is what God wanted from them (it applies to us too…).

For us, these words have far more power and application than we likely realize. 

Shunning evil in life is obvious, but there are many mini-evils we face every day that do not always strike us as such in the moment. How many times are we faced with opportunities to spread gossip, judge others’ actions, tarnish a reputation, speak harshly, flip the bird in traffic, or many other things in a day? 

When we slip up and do these things, and we will slip up – we are only human, we diminish the peace around us. We create hurt feelings, anger, conflict, and spread discontent around us. 

If we change our mindset to look for the good in people and situations, we will find it. When we are faced with frustration and respond with healthy conversation, we will uncover more peace. Small steps in our every day can lead us to more happiness and peace by just adjusting our focus.

Gossip stops with you.

Accept others as they are, not as you want them to be.

Meet anger with conversation.

Smile and wave instead of rant and rave. 

Be patient, life isn’t a timed contest.

Find peace everyday. 

The harder you look, the more you will find. 

And keep an eye out for yellow cars. You’ll see them far more often than you expect. Remember those finds when goodness and peace seem out of reach, they’re out there too. 

Happy searching. 

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What’s your rating?

Like most people, I am in a few Facebook groups for my town that offer up things for sale and recommendations for businesses for people in our area. In the last week I have seen people asking for recommendations for a lawyer, a mechanic, and a cake baker among other things. I have no need for any of these but because I’m nosy curious, I look at the comments to see what people have to say. I’d like to say it’s because I want to know if there is anything new in my town, but really it’s likely because I believe the places I use are the best, like most people do, and I like to see if everyone else is on board with me. 

How do you rate?

Today, someone posted a very specific request of “Has anyone used ABC mechanic and what was your experience?”(obviously, I’ve changed the shop name to protect the innocent). The responses were crazy. No one was on the fence about this place, there was a clear line in the sand – people either love or hate this place. People either had been going there for decades with fabulous results, or went once and their lives were never the same from the headaches this place caused them. 

I’d dealt with them and had mixed results so I panicked and couldn’t pick a side so I just read without chiming in. Sometimes I went in and it was fine, other times I left frustrated. Honestly though, I think that can be said about a lot of places. They have good moments and bad moments – no one is perfect all the time. The debate roared on so I never did comment, but watching it happen got my mind going. 

What if life worked like this and we all decided who we would interact with and how we would treat them based on the reviews or recommendations of others. What if people handed out ratings of 1-5 stars about all of us? Then, before other people would interact with us, they could go online to search or ask others for recommendations. 

How would I rate?

“Hey, thinking about joining a book group with Danielle – does anyone have any experience with her?”

“Anyone ever sat next to Danielle at the Memorial Day parade? Pros and cons?” 

“Looking for opinions on Danielle as a neighbor. Is it worth saying hello?”

I promise you there would be comments and they would likely be from two camps, just like ABC mechanic’s were. I figure it would likely be either people saying “she is an amazing person” or people saying “she is literally the worst.” While others would likely shrug and reply “who?” or “she’s alright. Could do better, could do worse” with a shrugging emoji for good measure. 

Maybe the mechanic couldn’t get parts because of a supplier or maybe they really did miss tightening a bolt once that led to a major issue for someone. Maybe they also fixed someone’s car at cost when they couldn’t afford it and sponsor Little League teams. Judging off opinions that are only one extreme or the other is dangerous. 

What if someone saw me litter once or heard me get short with a stranger in a moment of frustration? If they never saw me volunteer at a school or help feed the people in my town they wouldn’t know the whole me. Just like those who see me do good, may struggle with my mistakes. And it’s not just me – it’s everyone. We’re all a wonderful mixture of good and bad, success and failures, and ups and downs. The balance makes us human and should be the reminder we all need to give people a chance, form our own opinions, and be objective in our opinions of people. 

Make up your own mind

Instead of tying people’s worth to the opinions of others, we need to try to find a way to go off our own experiences. I’ve been focusing on that the last few months and I’m finding myself happier with myself than I have been in awhile. I know I will never be enough for some people. I also know it’s personal, some people are never satisfied with what other people do. Everyone gets a three star rating in their world no matter what. 

I am too much for some, not enough for others and that is perfect because I am not here to live for others – I’m here to live my life as who I am. Sometimes the results will be fantastic, other times disappointing, but always fully authentic. That’s what matters most when we deal with people (or places) in life. No single moment, no matter how good or how bad, defines us. 

We’re all gloriously, simultaneously one and five star people – and that’s the best review ever.

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3 Best Ways to Choose Joy when its Hard

Choose joy. 

You’ve seen it plastered around the world and on your screens because we want everyone to choose joy. I know I have. It’s a novel idea. An idea which aims to empower us and make us happy. Everyone wants to be in control of their life and feelings. They want to be happy and love their life. We would all love to choose joy, but it isn’t as easy as the quotes want us to believe. 

I Can’t Choose Just One Feeling

Life is full of complex emotions. They very rarely come to us in an orderly single-file fashion. Instead, situations we face are filled with conflicting and smooshed-up emotions. We feel happy, sad, and mad but we also feel emotions like nervcited (nervously exicted) and angity (angry pity). We experience glarrow (glad sorrow), desohope (hope in a desolate place), charenity (serenity in chaos), and thousands of other nameless compound feelings I haven’t made up names for yet. 

Shoving them all aside so we can simply choose joy robs us of the tapestry of the human experience. Also, it’s impossible for many people, myself included.

Is joy all that great if we don’t have moments of despair as contrast in our life? I am not sure we actually enjoy joy if we don’t know what the opposite feels like. Does joy alone help us to process great loss in a healthy manner? Can joy single handedly cure depression and mend broken hearts? If choosing joy, and only joy, were really possible I suppose it could do all those things in a very monotone manner. 

Of course, if you’re someone who struggles with finding happiness, failing to choose joy as easily as everyone else feels like just one more failure in your life. The exact opposite of what the sentiment means. I’m like that. I can try so hard to choose to be filled with joy and gratefulness and all the good feels in spite of difficult circumstances but it doesn’t actually change things. Then I am sure I am doing it wrong. Which leads me further into my shame and depression. Which then leads to me eating way too much ice cream and needing new pants. The absolute opposite of joy.

Stop Choosing, Start Looking

Instead of “choosing” joy, let’s start looking for joy. Just a tiny little bit each day.  

Looking implies we may not find it easily or right away. I’m still looking for a set of car keys I lost when we moved back in 2014. I haven’t found them yet, but I might. I look for hair ties at least four times per day. It shouldn’t be as hard as it is since I own 4.7 billion of them but I always have to hunt for them. I always find one eventually. Looking is so much better than choosing. It’s less pressure. 

In theory, you should see one joy per day. I really think that is generally an achievable thing. We had a terrible night last weekend filled with nightmares for our daughter and little sleep for me. At the end of the night, we saw a sunrise so bright and colorful it filled the whole sky out our window. It was full or purple, our favorite color. I could not choose joy in that moment as a tired, overworked, worried mom but I found a moment to smile about. 

Some days I find a huge joy or multiple joys. A cozy fire and happy family on Christmas. Everything at Disney World which makes my heart want to explode with joy. My favorite meal surrounded by my favorite people. Spending a whole day reading a book. Warm baths, good beer, long naps, salon day, game nights, owls, my people, my kids and zillions of little things. 

Some days, I find very few. Some days joy is celebrating the end of a very difficult day. Making it through something you thought would destroy you can be a strange joy but it still counts. 

Choosing Joy is Hard

I cannot choose joy and it is ok. I am ok. You are ok. We are doing our best to get through the strange journey of life. We may be on top of the world one day then lost in our lowest lows the next but we are doing our best. You are doing your best. Choosing joy is not a fair expectation for everyday living. 

Just remember to look for joy each day. 

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The Best books to read in Quarantine – according to me.

The Best books to read in quarantine – according to me. I’d like to say there’s some science behind this to prove how correct I am, but there isn’t. I just love books.

So, I guess the best books to read in quarantine may be a stretch, since they’re all a matter of opinion, but I’m giving it a go anyway. It’s been awhile since I’ve shared what I’ve been reading so this seems like as good of a time as any. As always – I want to know what you’re reading so can add it to my list 🙂

My top 5 favorite reads right now

  1. Untamed by Glennon Doyle – It’s no secret I love her. She is real, she is full of love, and she has overcome some serious things to find her happy place. This book is no exception. I am currently reading this and its taking me a bit because I’m so busy underlining things and drinking in every word. If you’re feeling like life isn’t what it should be or that you aren’t feeling how you “should” about life, this one is for you. 
  2. It’s Not Supposed to Be this Way by Lysa TerKeurst – I seem to suggest this book constantly but that’s just because it’s so freaking good! There’s no denying life is going to get messy or mixed up and not always turn out how we planned. This book walks us through those hard times from a Christian perspective. My poor copy is full of my handwriting and highlighting , which tells you how great it is. 
  3. My (Not So) Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella – sometimes a light, humorous, “chick-lit” book is what is what life needs. It’s not a style I read often but this one is good. What happens when you get everything in life and it all seems to be going perfectly before it all comes crashing down. We all know that feeling right now, don’t we? But of course, good things can come from change and do. 
  4. A Perfectly Messed Up Story by Patrick McDonnell – yes, it’s a picture book. Yes, its meant for kids. I started reading it because my daughter loved it and asked for it at bedtime. Now, I think it applies to us all. Young or old, get a copy and embrace it.
  5. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng – Honestly, I haven’t read it yet. I’m starting it soon. This looks so good AND there is a Hulu show to start watching too. But read the book first. Always read the book first.

What am I missing?

These are some of the best books to read during quarantine according to me. I could go on, but then you’d have no time for reading books! Get lost and inspired in a book to ride this out. What else should I read?

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Who Will You Be When This is All Over? – SheProclaims.com

Who will you be when this is all over? This question got lodged in my head somehow this week. Here in Michigan, we are “sheltering in place” for three weeks. It sounds like a long time and feels even longer, but in the grand scheme of life it isn’t. It’s only three weeks (for now…who knows what’s next). 

Caterpillars spend 5 to 21 days inside their chrysalises turning into beautiful butterflies. Three weeks for even the slowest of caterpillars to go from fancy worm to magical butterfly. If they can do that, we certainly can learn a few things in the coming weeks. The question “who will you be when this is all over” deserves a little extra thought. 

The way I see it, we have two choices. We can come out exactly how we went in – which I guess would be a caterpillar fail – or we can turn inward and see new things about ourselves. We can make a few changes and learn a few new things to make us better than we were before. Enhanced versions of ourselves. 

A Change of Plans

If life had gone to plan this Spring, we would be ferrying one child to ballet, theater class, and softball while the other needed rides to vocal coaching and extra choir rehearsals. Matt and I would still be working a lot of hours because we should be getting ready to load up the family truckster to head to Disney World next week. We should be packing and planning while living our busy, chaotic, beautiful life. 

Instead, I am working from home with the kids running around. Matt’s role, classified as essential right now, requires him to still go to work every day. Aside from that, we’re here. We’re reading more books, playing more games, watching more tv, and going for more hikes than usual. We’re disappointed in the things we’re missing out on but it is what it is at this point. We are cozied up in our home for the next three weeks. 

Our home has become our chrysalis. We can ride it out and stay the same or choose to be better. [Spoiler alert: I’m choosing to be better. Pretty sure you saw that coming.] 

Be Bitter or Be Better

I could be mad the store didn’t have the Cheez-Its I like (we’re all a little hooked on the white cheddar Grooves) but I choose to see how lucky I am for everything they did have. Things of actual sustenance.

Being upset with the hoarders and complaining about them openly is understandable but I choose to use my energy instead to help those in my community who need things right now instead.

I could point fingers and debate the politics of this situation with the rest of the world but I’m going to be really honest right now: I don’t care. Does it really matter who’s fault it is it started or what party someone with an idea belongs to? I don’t care about any of those stupid details everyone keeps screaming about all day long. Mistakes were made and are being made, I think we can all agree on that, I am focused on doing my part not to spread anything and loving on the people around me right now. Honestly, that’s what really matters. Everyone should be looking out for each other, taking the steps to prevent spreading it, and reminding each other we’re all in this together. No one is alone. 

I also want to learn the ukulele, finish a few books I’m reading, memorize Psalm 23, clean out this house, do some painting, clean the yard, and take a lot of naps.  

Who will you be when this is all over?

When I come out of my chrysalis, I want to keep giving. I want to keep giving food and medicine to people in need. I am spreading love and friendship to people feeling sad and alone. I’m giving more time to my friends and family. I will do one less chore per day so I can color one more picture with my daughter. Staying up just a little later so I can play one game with my son will be a priority. I want to sit on the sofa next to my husband instead of lounging in my favorite chair when we talk at night. 

I want to be a happier, more living, more peaceful person when I come out. Leaning into my life and my people like never before will be my new normal. I’m going to be a butterfly. 

Who will YOU be when this is all over?

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My New Year’s Resolution life hack – She Proclaims.com

My New Year’s Resolution

My New Year’s Resolution this year is exactly what it’s been the last few: to make no resolutions. 

I know, we’ve all made the joke and yukked it up. Finally a goal we can reach, right? For me, it’s honestly the truth. I realized my New Year’s Resolution put a lot of pressure on me to flip some invisible switch at midnight on the first day of the year to become a better version of myself. All I was doing was setting myself for another failure. 

Seriously think about it. Cinderella’s instant transformation only lasted a few hours and she had a freaking fairy godmother helping her out. I’m not topping that with my New Year’s resolution.

I decided long ago that I am better with New Day Resolutions. They’re like New Year’s Resolutions only smaller, generally more realistic, and if you goof up you can start over the next day without feeling like a loser. Some days have more than others, it kind of depends on what is happening in my life, which is great also. I mean, who’s life is basically the same for an entire year to support a massive resolution? Certainly not mine. 

My current New Day Resolutions:


  1. Answer people within 24 hours. I struggle with this, depending on my mood and frame of mind any day. Some time I answer people immediately, sometimes it takes me more than a day. Trust me, it’s not you – its me. I can get a doctor’s note to prove it. I give myself grace if I’m having a rough day but stay in touch like I want. And if I go longer than 24 hours sometimes, its ok. I’ll give myself another 24 hours if I REALLY need it. 
  2. Give myself quiet time. Sometimes I get hours or even a whole day! Sometimes I get the few precious minutes in a bathroom stall at work. But, I am quiet with no interruptions. I might think about what I want to say to you guys, sing an *N Sync song, or read but it is completely my little paradise.
  3. Eat something I like. Yes, we’re all watching what we eat. I’ve been on weight watchers and I actually enjoy my treadmill (probably because I have made it no promises I cannot keep). I track my points but I refuse to live a life where I do not enjoy a treat each day. On a banner food day, I can have a cookie. Other days, I can have a single jolly rancher. The objective is to make sure I give myself something to smile about and enjoy each day. 
  4. Say my prayers.
  5. Tell my people I love them. For my husband and daughter, this is easy. For my nearly 14 year-old son, he is accepting the fact that I will never stop hugging him and kissing his face daily. If something happened tomorrow they’ll all know two things for sure: mom was crazy and she sure loved us all. No regrets.

Ever changing and adaptable

There are others I sprinkle in from time to time such as: clean one thing, donate something, be better than yesterday, make a hair appt, read, and get outside. Sometimes it looks more like a to-do list than a resolution list, but I do not care. Its bite sized portions of progress to keep me moving forward and living life a little bit better every day. 

At the end of the year, all those days add up to quite a big difference. I guess that sort of makes it My New Year’s resolution also.

What New Day Resolutions could you make for yourself? 

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She Proclaims – 2019 Year in Review

I have seen this post floating around for awhile on various social media outlets and was really intrigued by it. So often, we spend this time of the year looking back on what we did wrong and making plans for resolutions to make ourselves better in the next year. That’s all fine and dandy, don’t get me wrong, but why the heck aren’t we celebrating all we did right this year? All the times we slayed and nailed it? Those times deserve their time in the spotlight too! 

I’m sharing mine here, because I am proud. I’ve come a long way in a year and I’m excited to see where I go in 2020. I want to hear your achievements and wins for this year! SHOUT OUT TO YOU FOR ALL YOU DID! 

I started a blog and website. That’s pretty big for me. Not only that, but I have been moderately consistent with updating and posting! I even have a solid Instagram you need to check out if you aren’t already! Normally, I have great ideas but they peter out pretty quickly and I move on, this just reminds me that I’m on the right path. I’m doing my heart’s work and it feels amazing! 

I helped two people very close to me through some very scary, hard times. I made a difference and I can see how much I really do matter to people. 

I became a paid author. Read that sentence at least three more times. I am an author. Dream come true right there. More to come too! 

I learned how to do hand lettering. No more being envious of others, I can do it whenever I want. 

I loved my family and friends. I forgave people who hurt me. I unpacked old wounds and I am helping to heal properly. I laughed a lot, cried some, stayed true to myself, and saw a snow owl. 

I “met” all of you. Some are closer than others now, but I’m so grateful for each of you.  

It was a good year. Tell me yours!

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Easy Giving Tuesday & #GiftItForward ideas

Easy Giving Tuesday & #GiftItForward ideas

Giving Tuesday & #GiftItForward ideas always flood me this time of year. I’m sitting in a black cape in the rear of the salon while I write this. I’d like to say no gray hairs have ever graced this head, but that would be a lie. In fact, with every passing year the battle to keep them at bay gets harder and harder.

Some day, I told myself, I’ll just color it all gray and be done with this act of vanity. But that day is not today. 

Today I’m watching the clock tick on, enjoying the view of an older gentleman in a bonnet under the dryer across from me, hoping I’ll get a glimpse of his new ‘do before I go.

I also think back to when the gray first showed up. When I was a single mom, working hard to barely keep us afloat, cursing the gray hairs while skillfully balancing my income with our bills. Grateful when I a few dollars left to occasionally mostly match my hair color to a box at Walgreens and wash away the gray for awhile. 

That Christmas, a friend had a gift card for a free coloring to a salon she didn’t go to. I’m not sure if it was the bags under my eyes, the obvious roots from a failed color match attempt, or the harsh gray hairs peeking through that tipped her off but she gifted that gift card to me.

She saw me. My struggle and my wants were acknowledged for the first time in a long time that day. I cried. I know there were other things we actually needed at home, but this was needed just as badly. This was needed for my soul. 

She was giving me far more than just a little pampering. 


I soaked in every moment at the salon that winter. That year I was becoming the solo mom, rock, warrior, and survivor. No regrets came from any of the hard things I was going through, but did miss the little treats I had taken for granted before.

I promised myself two things that day. First, someday all my colors would come from the salon and not the drug store. Secondly, when I got where I was going, I’d turn around to pass along kindness to someone else. 

Here I am, 13 years later, in my cape just like you can find me every 8 weeks. This time of year more that any it takes me back to the gift card and promises made.

“…freely you have received, freely give.” Matthew 10:8


I call it “Giving It Forward”. A way to take what I am have and bless others. To share my good fortune with them and bless them with a little kindness. 

My favorite way to do it this time of year is through gift cards. I receive quite a few each year. Some I’ll use, some I won’t. Many I will only use part of. They used to gather dust in a drawer in my kitchen until “giving it forward” hit me.

Giving Tuesday – #GiftItForward

I gave a gas card for station I am never nearby to a family preparing for a long drive to an important, possibly scary, appointment. I told I found it, I’m not in it for the glory. 

If you were behind me at Starbucks, you have likely received a discount on your drink from the gift card balance I left behind for you. 

To the lady at the Subway drive thru, I saw those kids bouncing in your backseat. I saw the look on your face. A day’s worth of tasks, appointments, worries, and responsibilities veiling your tired face. I hope the card I left behind put a dent in your bill and a smile on your face.

It’s that easy. Freely we receive gifts and freely we pass them on to those around us. It’s not Earth shattering work, there is no handing out of awards, but smiles will be given out. I think that makes it important work. This December, I’m inviting everyone to join me! Follow me on Instagram and tag @She.Proclaims with the #GiftItForward hashtag to see love spread! You can also donate your balances online to charity at Donate Your Card.

(P.S. I am not sure what the man did. He left before I could see him but my stylist and I agree it doesn’t really matter, that’s a man living his best life for himself. Rock on, sir.)

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Thanksgiving Thoughts

I had no idea 2 years ago when I started diving deep into my Bible journaling and studying what the next 18 months had in store for me. Marriage struggles (we’re good now), financial problems (also good), parenting challenges (still doing our best), depression dive (I’m in my comeback!), deaths close to us, sickness around us, and struggles for people we love. I have been through hard times before but 2018 and 2019 may have been the hardest years on my heart to date.

I came across many verses which continue to help me when I struggle and I am still finding new ones all the time. Even new meanings in old ones as I read them again. However, in 2017 I found two in Colossians and Thessalonians which speak to my heart so strongly here in 2019 that I wanted to share them with you. Both are really great books to read this time of the year, in my opinion;  full of beauty, hope, thankfulness, and truth. A little like me. 

Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace and always be thankful.”

I look around the world, my state, my town, my office, my church, my family and I can find people I agree with fully. People who stand for what I do and stand up to what I do also. I love those people. They are easy to get along with, to be thankful for, and to work closely with. They fill my heart. 

I can also find plenty of people in each of these places I do not agree with at all. I find their stances to be unfair to many, hurtful, based in exclusion, omission, and rejection. Hearing them talk makes me want to cry for the world and apologize to my children. Sometimes, I actually do. I struggle to work with them and be thankful for their work in the world. They break my heart. 

There are also many people who walk the fine line between filling and breaking my heart. These are the people I love so dearly and support in so many ways, yet cannot understand how their heart sees the world’s issues how they are. I am roughly 50-75% thankful for these people at a glance, depending on if they are doing what I like or not in a given moment. They confuse my heart. 

Colossians 3:15 was an epic wake up call for me (also, if you really want to think about the body of Christ idea, check out this sermon from my church recently!). We are all different. We are not all the same parts, which can lead to some issues, but need to live in peace. We need to be thankful for the people around us. I do not agree on many things with a friend who spends a lot of time volunteering at a veteran’s hospital. He’s doing good, even all of his work isn’t what I want. People I wish would open their eyes to causes around the world volunteer at their churches to help the hungry. I’m thankful for that. 

We don’t have to agree to be thankful for one another. 

Thessalonians 5:18 “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 

How hard is this one? I stared at this one for a long time when I first came upon it. It’s hard to be grateful in hard times. I think its only human to see the bad at face value. It’s easy to get lost in the sadness, hopelessness, and darkness surrounding hard times. If you’re anything like me, the easy path is the preferred one whenever possible. Life is hard enough without volunteering yourself for more, right?

In this case, that couldn’t be more wrong. Being down, brings you down further. Letting the sadness get too far, lets the depression sneak in and take over. Losing sight of the goodness and being thankful makes life a long, miserable sentence. Even in the hard times, there is something good in each day. 

Every night for as long as I can remember, I ask my daughter at bedtime “What was something kind someone did for you? And what is something kid you did for someone?”. Some nights she’s got more than one answer for each question queued up for me. Some nights she bursts into tears and we need to talk a bit to come up with two answers together. Some days are better than others. 

The point of this verse and the point I’m trying to make to her is this: there is something good in every day. Sometimes we have to look harder than others, but it’s there. Find it. Don’t let the hard times or sad times win. 

There are so many more, I could go on, but go find them for yourself. This year? I’m thankful for you, for healing, for my family, my friends, my job, my health, my cat, and all the hard things I have been able to overcome. I’m ready for whatever is next.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Change Your Mindset – Find Your Happiness!

Change your mindset is the best and worst advice I have ever gotten in my life. It’s a popular topic around the web, television, and magazines too. Everyone everywhere is starting to realize the power our minds really have over our lives and happiness, which is great. I like the idea of being in charge of my own happiness but the topic is so broad its hard to wrap your head around.

I am by no means an expert (at this or anything else really – other than naps). However, I am someone who struggles to find herself and happiness in life. I don’t believe there is a “final destination” of happiness once you change your mindset, its something that will change and evolve over time. Having the tools and skills to help you work through those times is the key to helping you find happiness. 

Change your mindset about calendars

For a very long time, I was a “sure, yeah!” person (a SYP from here on). If someone needed help or a volunteer and asked? My response was always “sure, yeah!” even if I didn’t really want it to be. I’d throw it onto my daily calendar on my phone then stare at all my tasks each morning with dread. Sometimes, I still try to find legitimate reasons to cancel things because I am so tired

There’s nothing wrong with being a SYP. Honestly, SYPs are really important for keeping the world spinning! The key is being a selective SYP. Say yes when it feeds your soul or you can help with something without destroying the rest of your day. Taking on things you don’t really love or without checking your schedule first will tear you down. You will be burn out, feel crabby, and overwhelmed by life. The life you signed up for. 

I got an adorable old school planner to help change my mindset about my time. You can print a calendar off the internet, buy a wall calendar, make your own, or get a planner – whatever floats your boat – but the key is that you will see the whole month at one time.

Change your mindset about being busy

I used to view busy as some sort of warped badge of honor. Like, the fuller my calendar was the better I was doing at life. I’m not sure if I thought going to meetings was cool? Does having a calendar full of “stuff” make me really important to the world? Do the more things I can cram onto a tiny square representing a single day in my planner, make me better? I found value in the quantity of things I was doing, not the quality of self I was giving.

There is no merit badge for being busy. I have checked with every merit badge-awarding group I can think of. They have badges for cooking, building, archery, and even chess….but no one gives out any special award for “being busy all the freaking time”. So what on Earth was the draw?

Grab your calendar for the month. Write in everything you need to do. Dentist appointments, meetings, school events, hair appointments, volunteer duties – whatever. If you have a commitment (whether out of love or obligation) write it down. When you are finished, look back at your month. Is there something on every day? More than one thing on many days? Do you feel tired and overwhelmed looking at it? How will actually doing it each day feel? I get it. That was me for many years. Stretched thin, living a sparse life, with no room for “unscheduled” happiness. It works for a while, in small doses, we all have busy seasons in life. When non-stop busyness become your normal, though? It’s no longer a season, it’s a cry for help.

What are you looking for?

I’m no expert, just a regular mom with a whole lot of baggage that desperately needs to be sorted, claimed, and dealt with. Seriously, I make the “unclaimed baggage” room at LAX look like a P.O. box when compared to what I’m working with. Busy lives are usually a sign people looking for something to fill their voids. The problem is, we can’t usually see what our voids are until we have reached some sort of life altering, world shattering low point. 

We all have our demons and issues – God knows I’m far from an exception to that rule – that we need to identify and deal with to find peace. I can’t speak for everyone, but here’s my deal: I never feel that I am loved enough, valued enough, or wanted enough for people in my life. These voids fill up by cramming my schedule as full as I can. I try to make myself so valuable and needed that it feels like I am loved. 

Never enough

Honestly, I can’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t felt that way to an extent. In elementary school, I craved praise from teachers and classmates. I wanted to be the smartest, the coolest, the most artistic, the most helpful – anything to be needed in that world. 

At home, I wanted to matter. I wanted to be more than “the smart one”. To be fun, engaging, and captivating to those around me. I didn’t want to just be the girl with the answers, sometimes I wanted to be the girl who was the answer. The one with the joke or punchline who strangers stopped to gush over in the store; chosen over other for special attention. But, that was never me. 

I was too big, too old, too smart, or too loud for any of that. I was just never the right person at the right time to meet the needs of whoever was around. Friends, family, teachers, strangers…whatever the case I was seeking approval and only finding it when I worked myself to the bone. The plus side? I was getting what I thought I needed. The down side? I was only getting it when I ran myself ragged and on other people’s schedules. That’s no way to lie your life and find true happiness. 

The missing piece

I grew up going to church, learning my Bible stories and memorizing my verses. Not because I felt God’s amazing work in my heart and soul, but because I wanted to please my Sunday school teachers. Noticing a pattern here? Wish I would have seen it sooner and save myself a lot of heartaches. 

I have been linking my value to what other people think and say about me. Not what I think, feel, or what God has to say about anything. I have been so busy living and dying for the people around me, I never gave much thought to fully living for God above me. I was putting my worth in schedules, awards, and praise instead of looking at my bigger role in life. My role in God’s plan.

How that changed

I would love to say there was one Earth shattering, soul-baring, definitive moment that changed that view for me; but that would be a total fabrication. It took numerous events to finally wake me up and help me see all I was missing in life. To this day, I live with abandonment issues stemming from my parents divorce. I am littered with insecurities from more than one boyfriend cheating on me and replacing me with a “better model”. I have lost jobs, a marriage, all my money, and myself before starting to warm up to the idea I am doing things wrong and living for the wrong people. The universe was essentially screaming at me, “change your mindset!” with every new hurdle I encountered.  

I don’t need to do anything for anyone else. No one on Earth. I need to live for myself and for my God. In the rawest, purest, most authentic way possible. It is the only way to find my true purpose and happiness in life. It sure would be great if this process were easy or came with step by step instructions, but such is not the case. Like so many other things in life, growth of this magnitude relies on two things: lots of mistakes and even more faith.